• by Larry Dobrow , Featured Columnist, September 6, 2005

Needing to burn some calories after a weekend spent inhaling sour cream and quaffing exclusively from the ale family of beverages, I resolved to choose the heaviest magazine possible for today's fine column. As luck would have it, I was greeted at the Barnes & Noble magazine rack by a veritable offensive line's worth of fall style/fashion colossi: Vogue (7,273 pages), Elle (12,262 pages), and the granddaddy of 'em all: InStyle, as fat and fecund as the celebrities it depicts are emaciated.

Figuring I could totally blast my lats by carrying it to and fro for the next few days, I chose the latter and its 27,482 pages. The terrifying cover image notwithstanding - has Jennifer Garner recently gone the dimple-implant route? - it was a wise choice. InStyle may seriously weigh down a backpack, but it delivers the breeziest mix of fashion and celebrity found on newsstands today. This magazine is a juggernaut; it is to mass-market time-killers what Cheerios are to breakfast.

Which isn't to say that InStyle is an easy publication to plow through. I realize that the magazine business exists for no other reason than to hawk as much crap as humanly possible - and if there happens to be a readable story or two between the advertisements, all the better - but InStyle beats readers over the head with commerce. The main challenge in navigating the mag, in fact, is locating editorial content among the super-posh ads, which becomes a "Where's Waldo?"-type exercise after a while. In the September issue, it takes 19 page turns before one even reaches the table of contents. Just out of curiosity, how does a marketer distinguish itself in an environment featuring somewhere north of 300 ad pages?

Wait a second - that last paragraph feels vaguely negative, and negativity ain't the way InStyle rolls. I tried to find something non-affirming in the September issue and the closest I came was the coup-incitingly controversial "Which is Sexier?" selection of Bruce Willis over Ashton Kutcher. Fortunately for us all, the mag defuses this calumnious slur by identifying the cupcake shops frequented by Alec Baldwin and Tyra Banks.

Maybe that's the reason InStyle succeeds to the extent that it does: The mag is easier to digest than even the aforementioned cupcakes. It boasts a clean, sturdy design and section names like "Instant Style," "The Look," and "Style File" (which, in turn, houses "trend watch" and "cheap chic"). "What's Hot Now," "Party Circuit," "Jackets on Starlets" (okay, I made that last one up)... it goes on and on. Plus the mag features only the most recognizable celebrities in the most recognizable environments (movie premieres, etc.). Barring the consumption of vast quantities of cough syrup immediately before perusal, it's awfully hard to get confused here.

So while there's little point in discussing specific items in the September issue, I'll play along with a few quick shout-outs. The workplace fashion spread works nicely, owing to its slightly off-kilter depiction of smartly dressed, headless mannequins in an office setting. A flowery Keira Knightley pictoral gets its lift from rapturous background illustration, while the feature on "25th Century Style" (Princess Leia, "Blade Runner") offers the first evidence to date that InStyle might have the faintest inkling of a sense of humor.

All this, and precisely 14 recipes, too. What else is there to be said? InStyle is the reigning heavyweight champ and there doesn't appear to be a whole lot of contenders for the belt.