• by Maarten Albarda , Featured Contributor, April 13, 2015

It’s spring, the time to clean and start anew. Perhaps you have been contemplating a new direction for your career, or perhaps you have been looking for an excuse to engage with that headhunter who called you the other day. But you're probably lacking that last little push to take that step.

So let me offer you some help by sharing three things you could do that will absolutely get you fired, forcing you to make that change. And none of them involve excessive use of alcohol, drugs or displays of public nudity -- so there should be no lasting after-effects.

Recommend NOT using (more) programmatic.  Yes, there is now more than ample proof that programmatic, despite its promise of delivering accountable and transparent reach, is often a cesspool of murkiness fraught with wasted ad dollars. Despite this -- and advertisers’ admission that they mostly do not understand nor analyze what’s what as long as it is cheap -- the flow of dollars to, and the number of media entities offering, programmatic just keeps on growing. Welcome to the programmatic fold, IHeartMedia (which just set up a platform for its radio stations) and MediaScience, which says it's the first to develop  an outdoor ad campaign using programmatic.

Recommending that your company not spend any further programmatic dollars until you’ve figured out a secure strategy -- which may cost a little more -- will absolutely qualify you as an out-of-date marketer of yesteryear. Taking this step is bound to get you fired.

Actually using analytics for true ROI sponsorship measurement.  What if you decided to evaluate the NCAA sponsorship your CEO or CMO wanted so much? Last week we learned, via MediaPost’s Agency Daily, that “Only half of the top 10 March Madness brands that attracted attention among online and social media users were official sponsors, according to Amobee. McDonald’s, Nike, Gatorade, Pizza Hut, and Taco Bell were the top March Madness associated brands which were not official sponsors, while AT&T, Buffalo Wild Wings, Bing, Capital One, and Buick were the top brands who were event sponsors.” If you were an official sponsor, your dollars clearly did not work so well. Go ahead, tell your boss and show him the numbers. I'm pretty sure you will be shown the door.

Telling your CFO that your media agency has been keeping money that belonged to your company. Just as quickly as the firestorm erupted here in the U.S. over media agencies maybe/possibly/probably not paying back all media volume bonuses to their clients (pick the option you like best), it seems to have died down again. Jon Mandel, former MediaCom CEO, presented his take on the practice at a recent ANA conference, but no sooner had he shared his allegations than the ANA said that maybe/we’re-not-sure-and-are-covering-our-legal-behinds/likely not all agencies are guilty (again, pick your option). Cue the collective Madison Avenue sigh of relief. Cue the increased bonuses for holding company heads John Wren, Michael Roth and Martin Sorrell as reported last week, all based on increased profit in part not/most-definitely not/absolutely  driven by their media and programmatic businesses (your final multiple choice).

If you work at an agency, the above strategies will work equally well. Suggest to the most senior account manager or to your client directly any of these options as a course of action. Most likely you’ll not only lose your job, but you’ll probably get your agency fired as well.

You’re welcome.