• by July 7, 2004

NEW YORK POST EXCLUSIVE: "DO WE DEFEATS? TRUE MAN!" - Is that rumbling noise you're hearing the sound of presses screeching to a halt somewhere in New Jersey? Nah, it's just Alexander Hamilton, Dorothy Schiff and the fading memory of serious American newspaper journalism doing back flips somewhere six feet - but definitely not Down - Under. Syntax aside, the New York Post's banner declaration that Democratic hopeful John Kerry had tapped party has-been Richard Gephardt to be his running mate was yet another defeat for an already ailing news industry, and maybe even for American society at large. The Post's News Corp. management may write the incident off as an itchy trigger finger resulting from anonymous, ostensibly well-placed, but definitely misguided sources, but we think it may have simply been wishful thinking on their part. Whatever the reasons - or motives - the debacle isn't nearly as justifiable as the Chicago Daily Tribune's presumptive "Dewey Defeats Truman" headline following the 1948 presidential election. That one really was an itching trigger finger resulting from poor tabulation procedures during an extremely tight race. Kind of like Florida's vote during the last presidential election.

No, the Post's "scoop" was more like a pile and it was plopped either from journalistic hubris, or simply a callous disregard for vetting sources. The only possible explanation must be a business one. Maybe the Post's management thought it was just too good a stunt to pass up and that whether they were right or wrong, the "exclusive" would get the tawdry tabloid discussed in circles high and low and around the globe. In fact, that is exactly what happened, according to a report in today's edition of Post rival, the New York Daily News, which reported, "The Post's humiliating gaffe was greeted with derision and knee-slapping laughter here and abroad, while it created a fast market for copies of the paper on the auction Web site eBay.com." Or, with eBay bids fetching $65 a pop, could it be that the Post's management had an entirely different revenue stream in mind?

RIFF EXCLUSIVE: MURDOCH'S CHOICE: DEMIGOD PICKS KARMAZIN AS NEW YORK POST EDITOR CANDIDATE - Hey, it's not that preposterous. Mel Karmazin's looking for work. New York Post editor in chief Col Allan may soon be. Actually, it would be more likely that Murdoch would tap Karmazin to serve as COO of News Corp., and his heir apparent. Except for two things: 1) Karmazin isn't likely to settle for another No. 2 slot after reporting to another media patriarch; and 2) Rupert's apparently got more heirs than he knows what to do with. Besides, we could just hear Lachlan's whining now: "But daddy, you promised me." Heck, maybe Rupert should stick Lachlan in the Post's editor's slot. Better yet, how about J. Jonah Jameson? Then things could go back to normal in Big Apple journalism with the Post blaring more traditional headlines like: "Spidey Still Menaces City."

IS THE LOCAL PEOPLE METER TASK FORCE MOVING AT WARP SPEED, OR IS IT SIMPLY WARPED? - We always figured Nielsen was serious about making its local people meter task force as representative as possible, so we were encouraged to learn that Nielsen has expanded the group to include an Asian American. That's a good thing, because Nielsen's own report on the findings of the Media Rating Council's audit of the New York people meter found that the only ethnic group that was significantly under-represented was, in fact, Asian Americans. But Nielsen's choice for the task force might well be qualified to represent the voices of people of a diverse array of colors not currently being considered by Nielsen, the MRC, or even Don't Count Us Out. We're talking about the colors green, blue or maybe even chartreuse. And who better to understand and represent their views than George Takei, an Asian American actor who is perhaps best known for his role as Sulu Hikaru on the starship Enterprise. On modern day earth, Takei serves on the board of the East West Players, the nation's foremost Asian Pacific American theater group, and therefore is, as Spock might say, a highly logical candidate for the task force. But we've got to give Nielsen credit for thinking ahead a couple of hundred years, when an intergalactic News Corp. is backing pressure groups protesting the under-representation of Romulans, Vulcans and maybe even Klingons.