• by John Gaffney , December 20, 2002

Earlier this week, when McDonald’s reported its first ever quarterly loss, I suggested they lose Ronald McDonald. I then received a few passionate responses from readers pleading for his corporate life, or agreeing on his termination. Then, Wednesday I asked for an official response from the cynical, highly informed and politically blunt Riff readership. More than 50 emails were received. About 90% said Ronald needs to go. Of that 90% most said he should be retired from active branding icon to retired charity front man. Anyway, here are some of the best and funniest bouncebacks we received:

Anonymous: Re: Ronald: Let's see...a goofy white guy in a clown outfit who looks like Carrot Top, long past his prime and schilling burgers for a chain that's really big with African Americans...yeah, I'd say drop him. Especially since McDonald's keeps trying to broaden their menu and their appeal beyond just burgers and fries. Call me crazy, but with a clown for a trademark, you'll never be taken seriously beyond junk food.

B. Renny: I think we should go further....I think we should order a fatwah against Ronald MacDonald. Am I the only person to have never found clowns remotely funny? Too, too scary.

C. Tekeli: Revamp Ronald. Start with his name. Who the heck is named Ronald who isn't 50 plus these days? It'd be Ron. But that doesn't work with the juvenile rhyme. How about Ricky Mickey Dee? That's got a bit more hip hop to it. Or a simple "RMD." That's a record label waiting to happen. Then, let's "Cirque du Soleil" him, because that's where today's coolest circus and clowns are taking their cue from -- Ronald's outfit is way outdated. And not in that 'interesting retro' way. Last, if you want to keep him and have the kids relate to him, you better electronic him up -- some cool music -- maybe even have Ricky holding a water bottle (talk about a sponsorship opportunity)! Then, all the kids would wanna be like RMD.

Anonymous: Ronald is an anti-marketing riot! Insane grin, red bulbs for nose, screaming red hair, lack of couth ---- are you kidding me, McDonalds Marketers circa 2003? Keep that fool away from my grandchildren when I become grand! Either send Ronald out of pasture or arrest him for obsolescence as a marketing tool. What's next on your one buck marketing menu, Howdy Doody Time?

J. Mitton: Don't worry about dropping Ronald McDonald. If he keeps eating his own product, Ronald will drop on his own...and fairly soon!