• by John Gaffney , July 18, 2003

Other people's riffs for July 23:

Guess MTV Just Wasn't Getting The Job Done: According to The Independent.co.uk. a glossy new Arabic-language magazine called Hi, published by the Bush administration is going on sale across the Middle East this week, targeting young people with a mix of features, celebrity profiles and music. Commented the British pub, "So what if George Bush is threatening to invade your country? At least the kids in America have nice, white teeth and listen to the same music as you. Isn't that enough for you to love the good 'ol US of A?"

The Payback Rhymes With Rich: Because a new anti-SUV group has been asking the question, "What Would Jesus Drive?", the SUV Owners of America (SUVOA) this week unveiled what it called a stunning revelation that Jesus (pronounced he SOOS) drives a 1995 SUV! And his son drives a 1999 SUV! The announcement, appearing in a full-page advertisement in regional issues of USA Today, explains why Jesus Rivera and his family love their SUVs and why they are not alone. "Jesus Rivera is just one real-life example of the 24 million SUV owners in this country that appreciate the safety, utility and versatility of their vehicles," said SUVOA President Jason H. Vines. "The argument that 'people don't need SUVs' usually is espoused by self-appointed, fact-challenged 'experts' who have no appreciation for people's work, home, and lifestyle circumstances other than their own."

Weapons Of Mass Destruction: In its recent issue that looked askew at the Bush administration's claims that Iraq harbored biological or nuclear weapons, the SF Morning Fix made the following conclusion: "Saddam did, however, possess large quantities of bootlegged Britney Spears posters, which, if dropped on Israel, would have certainly caused pandemonium if not outright giggling and many heavy longing sighs."

Vacation: This missive will take two weeks off beginning today. Not only does the writer need time to recharge, but you have no idea how hard it is to write something provocative everyday in the summertime.