• by John Gaffney , April 25, 2003

And I Will Not Wear Those Ugly A**ed Shoes: O.J. Simpson is preparing for his debut as the star of his own "Osbournes"-esque reality show. Fort Worth, Texas-based Urban America Television Network said it will distribute a 13-week series about the former football great -- who was acquitted of the murders of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman in 1995 -- to its 75 independent broadcast TV station affiliates starting in June. The series will chronicle Simpson's daily life in Miami using footage collected over several months of filming in 2001 and 2002.

Can We Find A Flag Big Enough To Cover Her Ego?: Tina Brown wrote in the Times Of London this week: "My long-awaited (or is it just much delayed?) TV show - the one that was about to debut on CNBC precisely when Operation Shock and Awe hit - has been rescheduled for the end of April. I plan to redecorate the set with an American flag that's bigger than everyone else's. That way maybe I won't get bumped again. I need to scrape up as many "core American values" as I can to have any hope of being allowed on TV at all in the current climate of punitive patriotism. My ace in the hole is that I come from the same country as Tony Blair."

It's A Long Way From M-I-C-K-E-Y: Disney Publishing Worldwide, part of the Walt Disney Company, plans to introduce a United States edition of W.i.t.c.h. magazine, aimed at girls ages 9 to 14. The magazine, already published in 26 countries, will compete against American publications like Cosmo Girl, Elle Girl, J-14, Seventeen, Twist and YM. Disney Publishing also owns magazines like Family Fun, Discover and Disney Adventures; W.i.t.c.h. is an acronym formed from various girl names including Irma and Cornelia.

Fun Global Ad Hassle Of The Week: This from the Sydney, AU Courier-Mail. "Organisers of a plumbing expo are seeking sideshow alley-style "freaks" to entertain patrons, to the shock of disabled groups. West Australian plumbing supplies company Tradelink has advertised for performers including "dwarves" and "fat people" to stage a "fun, 1900s-style freak-show gallery" at a trade show in June. Three people have answered the ad, including a 36-year-old woman calling herself Shaz, who claims to be the most heavily-tattooed woman in WA. Tradelink says the sideshow idea was to bring some fun to what may have been an otherwise "bloody boring" event.