• by October 23, 2003

IN CASE ANYONE'S LISTENING, WE STILL LIKE CASH, NOT CACHE - For the rest of us, the most rewarding moments at work would be, well, being rewarded. Not so for information workers - especially the nation's top info exec - according to new advertising and research released today by Microsoft. The study, which is the basis for the new Microsoft Office System ad campaign, finds that "raises, promotions and bonuses" ranked only second as the greatest moments info geeks experience at work. Ranking No. 1 was "solving tough problems and/or achieving success in challenging." The Riff can understand some of the logic behind these results, but we suspect they've been skewed by some already well-compensated information industry exec who - with little need for monetary rewards - prefer the simple pat on the back, even if he's the one doing his own patting. "Like most information workers, the most exciting part of my job is solving tough problems," confides Microsoft chief Bill Gates. Need we say more? Anyway, there is another sector beyond information workers we know will be overjoyed by the launch of the office system and we have to believe it will have more to do with financial rewards than overcoming challenges. The already financially challenged tech magazine industry has got to be looking at Microsoft's OS launch budget as one of their greatest "work moments" to come along in some time.

DOES ANYONE HAVE A SPAM OPENER? - Thanks to a story by Associated Press technology writer Ted Bridis, the Riff finally understands the derivation of spam. And it has nothing to do with the canned meat product marketed by Hormel. Well not directly, anyway. The actual root of the word, it turns out, comes form the hilarious skit from "Monty Python's Flying Circus," the presciently hip BBC series, which enjoyed a second run during the 1970s on America's public television system. In fact, it was that series that gave kids of the Riff's generation a reason to watch PBS after they'd grown out of Sesame Street. Anyway, we wax nostalgic and it's not because of the image of cans of spam lining our pantry shelves, but because, the annoying commercial email moniker comes from one of our favorite Python skits in which restaurant patrons incessantly tout spam - you remember, "Spam, spam, spam, spam. Spam, spam, spam, spam" - over and over again. The Riff never exactly understood why that was funny back then, or even what it meant, but we often found ourselves standing on street corners with our pals echoing that mantra like some twisted Buddhist chant. But now with those warm and fuzzy images of spam rekindled in our minds, we finding it difficult to think of modern day email spam in the dark and nefarious way it is being referred to by industry groups and politicos alike. Consider the language used by Oregon Senator Ron Wyden to introduce the Senate's new "Can Spam" bill, which he co-sponsored with Montana Senator Conrad Burns. "Kingpin spammers who send out e-mail by the millions are threatening to drown the Internet in a sea of trash, and the American people want it stopped," Wyden said Wednesday. Kingpin? We guess he's right, but the description sounds more like a job for Spider-man or Dare- Devil than some new legislation.

TABLOID WATCH -- When event promoter David Gest married singer Liza Minnelli in 2002, it was a match made in tabloid heaven. Now the latest shoe to drop in the implosion is Gest's $10 million lawsuit against the oft-married celebrity. Or, as The New York Post exclaimed on this morning's front page: LIZA BEAT ME. At least there's no exclamation point, which is more than can be said about the New York Daily News: ESTRANGED HUBBY CHARGES LIZA BEAT HIM! The Daily News relegated the lawsuit to a boxcar on the tabloid's front page as the Yankees took a 2-1 lead in the World Series. The Post played it equal. Any New Yorker who isn't interested in the Yankees is sure to care about Liza Minnelli's love life. Except Riff, who doesn't care about either.

RIFF ON STRIKE - Faithful readers of the past few weeks may have noticed that Riff hasn't been commenting on the World Series nor anything else. That's because Riff is still mourning for the Red Sox and the Cubs and, out of respect for those storied franchises, refuses to watch the Series.