• by John Gaffney , February 28, 2003

Other People’s Riffs For The Week:

What’s The Frequency, Saddam?: The only way Dan Rather could have had a tougher week was if he got mugged at his Baghdad hotel. His interview with Saddam Hussein took a lot of shots for being parsed out over four nights. And then, according to The New York Post, CNBC’s James Cramer told a lunch crowd: "It was a travesty. The interview was like an infomercial. I call Dan Rather 'The Ding King.' Some of us would have wished Dan could have taken one for the team and [assassinated] the guy. There was something so deferential about it. Dan was an unfortunate prop."

I Wish I Wrote This: After yet another survey on the dangers of advertising alcohol to teens, the SF Gate pulled no punches. “Underage drinkers account for nearly 20 percent of the alcohol consumed in the U.S. each year, a study says, which was a rebuff to another discredited story that had found that it was 25 percent, so thank goodness we now know it's only 20 percent, because that makes a huge difference in how seriously you take this study and how you process it and sit there for about 8 seconds trying to figure out what the hell it means, and then just shrug it off, like duh, teens gettin' drunk, you did it too, and it was equal parts glorious and fun and necessary and ugly and stupid….and if there's a single teenager out there anywhere in American culture who actually never had a single alcoholic drink until they turned 21, well, something is deeply wrong."

Internet Joke Of The Week: This one came to my inbox on Thursday. Dear Consumas: It has come to our attention dat a coupula copies of the WINDAS 98/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Brooklyn. If ya got one a deese, you may need some help understandin' da commands. Da Brooklyn edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "WINDAS 98," wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza. When you start da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music, you hear da teme from "da Godfadda." It is also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Proof That Playboy Should Really Try The Decaf: The magazine is looking for "Women of Starbucks" to pose in an upcoming issue. Interested female candidates who are currently employed at the popular coffee chain should send a recent full-figure photo in a two-piece swimsuit and a head-and-shoulders portrait to the Playboy headquarters in Chicago.