• by December 16, 2003

WHO'LL BE FIRST TO DIVE IN THIS POOL? - The Riff admires Henry Schleif's ability to insinuate the spunky Court TV cable network into every conceivable judicial news opportunity, but his latest "offer" tops them all. In a letter to President George W. Bush, Schleif is making Court TV's services available to produce and televise the trial and legal proceedings of Saddam Hussein's war crimes prosecution. Clearly, if anyone has the credentials for this, Schleif's Court TV does. And we don't just mean the network's coverage of the last "trial of the century" (hint, its initials were O.J.), but of the other 800 trials and legal proceedings covered by the network. But if that wasn't enough to trump the other networks that presumably are salivating over prospects of Saddam-like ratings, Schleif's pitch includes the aggressively preemptive offer "to serve as the pool camera for any trial or legal proceeding involving Saddam Hussein - thereby making live coverage available to any and all television networks in the world." Okay, so Schleif's got legal telecasting cred, and he's got chutzpah, but is that enough to secure a war crimes tribunal licensing deal? The Riff thinks the clincher was Schleif's final appeal: "The U.S. Armed Forces avoided Saddam Hussein's martyrdom by capturing him alive. Let us not now permit him to become a martyr through a judicial process that is deemed unfair," wrote Schleif, concluding, "The truest picture of Hussein's character will be revealed at the trial. Why not let the entire world watch?"

ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT DEFORESTATION - Forget the national do-not-call list. Right about now, the Riff's feeling like there ought to be a do-not-send holiday-card list. Just today, we received a holiday card from a company that we've never dealt with in the past year, or, to be honest, ever. You gotta ask why: Why waste the 37 cents for postage, why even bother hand-writing the envelope? Straight to the garbage. Think of the trees you could save! And as long as we're on the subject, we haven't gotten all that much in the way of edible holiday graft. Where are all those oversized cans of cheesy-buttered- candied popcorn?

DO AS I RANT, NOT AS I DO - Rush Limbaugh spends a lot of time ranting about the "truth" on his nationally syndicated radio talk show, but when it comes to his own illegal activities, he's not so keen on making things public. On Monday, Limbaugh asked a court to hear his claim that his privacy was violated when Florida authorities seized his medical records and requested that the records not be released publicly. Limbaugh has acknowledged his addiction to what he claims were legal prescription painkillers, but prosecutors have alleged he obtained them illegally. Limbaugh's petition, which requests a court hearing within three days, states: "No citizen would want these highly personal details to be held by minions of the state to finger through at their leisure. Nor would any sane person wish his medical diagnosis and medical prescriptions to be widely published on television shows, tabloid newspapers, Web sites and the like." Needless to say, the Riff will be among the first to publish them.

PLUGGING ALONG - A major media agency has conducted a study on consumer attitudes toward product placement in movies and TV shows and the findings comes none too soon. The findings, not surprisingly, show that consumers are not all that alarmed with the prospect that Madison Avenue will be pumping more brands into their cinematic and televised content. On average, 50 percent of consumers claim to have noticed brands shown though product placement in movies and TV programs, finds the study conducted in September by Mediaedge:cia's MediaLab unit. And in a finding that is sure to be music to the ears of prospective product placers, 60 percent of those respondents said they are keen on trying products for such brands. "Clearly, product placement is here to stay," says Joe Abruzzo, managing partner of Mediaedge:cia's MediaLab. "With the advent of TiVo and other technologies that can edit out traditional advertising, product placement provides an ideal forum to showcase brands in a high-profile and accepting environment. Okay, that's the good news. The bad news is that 30 percent of consumers say they're getting annoyed by such plugs.