• by March 29, 2004

WHAT HATH BETSY FRANK WROUGHT? - After 25 years, we agree, it was about time for Nickelodeon to grow up in the Nielsen ratings, but the MTV network's decision to separate the ratings for its daytime Nickelodeon kids-oriented fare and its nighttime Nick at Nite grown-up content has implications that extend to the entire television marketplace. Actually, it's a brilliant move on the part of MTV Networks research diva Betsy Frank. By casting Nick at Nite's higher prime-time ratings off, the grown-up channel's average ratings will soar in the daily and weekly ranking reports, giving it a higher profile on Madison Avenue. And while Nickelodeon's average ratings may tumble slightly, the kid's network is more about selling audience comp than boxcar numbers. And the truth is, its ratings averages won't suffer all that much, as it already has some of the highest-rated shows on cable TV, such as "Sponge Bob Square Pants."

But mere moments after announcing the Nielsen deal, competitors - especially those that compete directly with Nick at Nite - were calling a Nielsen foul, arguing that the move sets a dangerous precedent that will distort and dilute the very definition of a programming network. As far as the Riff is concerned, that definition became meaningless some time ago and will only grow increasingly so with the passage of time, especially as we shifted into an era of digital video recorders where networks, dayparts and schedules have little meaning to the average viewer, and beginning next summer, in Nielsen's ratings.

In fact, there have been oodles of part-time networks, and even time-shared networks over the years. Actually, if you think about it, the original TV networks - the Big 3 - are only part-time networks, airing 22 hours of prime- time programming, plus a varying number of hours during early morning, daytime and late night, per week. And Fox, which airs even fewer - only 15 hours in prime-time and hardly any in other dayparts - proved that you don't even need to pass that standard to qualify as a "network." The Riff will leave it up to others to determine if UPN and The WB actually qualify, or if they are, in Variety-speak, simply "weblets."

As far as cable is concerned, you clearly don't need to be a 24-hour programming network to qualify as a Nielsen network. Many of the very same networks that are kvetching about Nickelodeon's move fail to program 24-hours, unless you count oodles of infomercials and "leased access" time. Actually, we can remember part-time cable networks stretching back to the early 1980s, when the short-lived Business Times network aired for only a few early morning hours on ESPN's satellite feed. That same model is employed today by Bloomberg Television, which ironically leases time on USA Networks, one of the nets that are complaining about Nickelodeon's move.

Actually, we wouldn't be surprised to see a direct competitor of Nickelodeon's, with a very similar scheduling strategy - Cartoon Network's kids during the day and adults at night lineup - follow suit, spinning off its Adult Swim block into a separate network. Indeed, as part of its upfront sales pitch for the 2004-05 season, Turner has begun selling Adult Swim as a distinct franchise.

And if this trend catches on, we'd fully expect to see others dive into the pool, petitioning Nielsen to qualify other distinct blocks of programming as "networks." Think about it, NBC's Law & Order Network, or CBS' CSI Network? And, of course, Fox's American Idol Network. Oh yeah, Fox already is the American Idol Network.

How extreme could this scenario be taken? Well, in theory, we could get down to the individual program network. In which case, some of the series on NBC's Thursday night schedule would rank as the top-rated network in most weeks. But why stop there? We can envision a marketplace where individual time breaks, including half-hours, or quarter hours come to constitute a network. And now that Nielsen is pushing minute-by-minute ratings, why not the Minute-By-Minute Network? But that probably wouldn't sit well with Madison Avenue, which might prefer a second-by-second network. Or, take out the programming altogether and produce an array of TV Commercial Networks. Yes, we know that already exists and that it's called the Super Bowl, but imagine it airing all the time. We can. It already does. It's called television. Get over it.