• by August 31, 2004

HERE'S THE PITCH -- Dear Messrs. Kim and Linnett,

Congratulations on your new Hollywood gig. We think it's high time advertising trade journalists were recognized for our entertainment value. To wit, here's our pitch, in one sentence or less:

Fired from his job, a middle-age media trade journalist extorts his former employer, buys the souped-up red Camaro of his youthful dreams, takes a job at a local burger joint, begins cavorting with his teenage daughter's precocious best friend and gets shot dead by his homophobic next door neighbor.

Sounds too implausible for any studio to develop, you say? Think again. This one has Madison and Vine crawling all over it. Just consider the product integration opportunities.

*Trade publishing entitlement: VNU? Crain Communications? Better yet, MediaPost?
* Product placement: Chevrolet Camaro (We've still got it on blocks in our garage)
* Product integration: McDonald's? Burger King? Better still, In-and-Out Burger
* Product testimonial: Smith & Wesson

What's that? Not "organic" enough to serve as a "branding platform?" And the story's "too contrived?" Okay, how's this: Backroom employee in the production department of a media trade magazine toils away, taking notes on his colleagues, whom he develops into intricate character studies for a screenplay that wins him the Academy Award.

Yeah, you're right. That one could never happen. Too bad. It would have made for some great tie-ins with Universal, Dreamworks, and FTD. And it would have been beautiful.

SAME BATTY CHANNEL - We've been hearing for some time that the press department at The WB network has been having a Dickens of a time dealing with pilfering journalists. It seems that some TV critics and business reporters have been illicitly distributing The WB's press materials. First it was selling press kits of TV shows on eBay for ill-gotten gains. Now apparently, some rogue journalists have begun distributing The WB's programming over the Internet.

None of that crossed our minds the other week when we received this really nifty press kit from Kids' WB! promoting the Sept. 11 launch of "The Batman" on its Saturday morning lineup. The new show is based on the namesake DC Comics super hero, but offers an "all-new take" on the character that focuses on his physical prowess, super sleuthing and cool bat gadgets. In fact, the press kit even includes a baterang, something the Riff has been coveting since were we wee little batlings. Anyway, it turns out that none of that paraphernalia was an immediate concern to The WB, but the accompanying DVD of the premiere episode was.

How do we know? Because about a week after getting "The Batman" press kit, we received "The Batman" cease and desist notice in the mail. "Just as 'The Batman' embraces the latest in high-tech methodology, we've taken steps to help curb the threat of piracy, counterfeiting, and illegal uploading to the Internet of this copyrighted video disc," read the letter sent from The WB's press department. "Each individual disc has an invisible watermark that corresponds with its recipient, so should copies be made or the episodes appear on the Internet, we will be able to identify their source."

Gee guys, it would've been nice for you to tell us that before we uploaded it to Feedroom.com. Just kidding. Besides, we got our copy through eBay.

But what really tickles us about this whole illicit distribution gambit, is the fact that the WB's gotten so protective about the ubiquitous distribution of its content through the press, which is supposed to disseminate it, when The WB's marketing department is doing the same thing on its own accord. Open a copy of its sister Time Inc. titles like Entertainment Weekly and People magazine this week and you're bound to notice a copy of a DVD for The WB's upcoming primetime series "Jack & Bobby."

Okay, so The WB has every right to control the free, public distribution of its own copyrighted materials, but what we really want to know is if it informed the upfront advertisers who paid top dollar to be in the premiere episode that they would be distributing advertising-free copies of it weeks before it debuted. And what do you suppose that will do the "Jack & Bobby's" premiere rating, or to The WB's ratings guarantees?