• by September 14, 2004

SMALL TOWN CONNECTICUT GOES HOLLYWOOD, WELL, FOOD NETWORK ANYWAY - We moved out of Media Town a long time ago to get away from all the hubbub. So imagine our surprise when we woke last weekend in our sleepy Connecticut hamlet to find it transformed into a television set.

No, not a box that TV programs come through, but a set on which a TV show was being filmed. The show, a primetime special for the Food Network, starring celebrity chef Rachael Ray ("30 Minute Meals With Rachael Ray," "$40 a Day") was there to chronicle our neighborhood's annual summer block party, which the producers somehow deemed to be the quintessential American block party. The event gave us the opportunity to witness first-hand, the effects of "reality TV" on real people.

The result? Well, if you're old enough to remember the classic TV series "The Andy Griffith Show," or if you happen to have caught it in syndication, there is this hilarious episode (episode 13, "Mayberry Goes Hollywood") when a Hollywood film company comes to Mayberry to shoot a movie set in a quaint, small town community. The only thing is, that the Mayberries are so taken by the celebrity of the whole thing, that they go Hollywood, transforming the folksy charm of their little town into what they imagine the movie industry sophisticates would like. Women mob their local hair salon to get the latest Hollywood 'dos. Men put on fancy new duds. The townsfolk even threaten to cut down the town square's historic old tree to make the location more pleasing for the Hollywood crew.

Well, that's something like what happened to our neighborhood during the days that Rachael Ray's crew descended on our community. Neighbors gussied up their properties, tree limbs were removed (though no old trees were actually felled), and everyone vied during auditions to become a Food Network star. There was a shootout to see who's kitchen would be used for the episode's cooking segments. Ultimately, Linda M.'s kitchen was chosen because it was considered most authentic by Ms. Ray 's crew, but the segment featured Ms. Ray cooking in the "home" of Ann M., who supposedly was an old acquaintance. As it turns out, Ms. Ray had never actually met Ann before.

Okay, so these TV production illusions seem innocent enough. After all, it's all about the show. But there was one misrepresentation that the Riff feels obliged to blow the whistle on. It took place during a segment featuring a watermelon-eating contest. (Something we don't recall ever actually having in our block party in year's past.) Ms. Ray, who off-camera is a tiny little thing, and cute as a button, stationed herself strategically near one of the more diminutive neighborhood children, Zoe M. No sooner did the contest begin then Zoe - who couldn't have weighed much more than 50 pounds - proceeded to gobble her melon slice down to the rind, and, from our vantage point, decidedly faster than Ms. Ray. But somehow through the magic of television, Ms. Ray beat Zoe and the rest of the neighborhood kids to the fruity punch and was declared winner. Well, it is her show after all, but it wasn't a really good example of reality TV. Judge for yourself, the segment airs October 3 at 9 p.m. (ET) on the Food Network.

TRAFFIC, AND JAMMING TOO -- The media industry loves to pitch its own wares as the best way to promote other people's products and brands, but when it comes to building traffic to themselves, they apparently prefer a medium that can, well, cause traffic jams. In recent weeks, trucks bearing the images and promotions of satellite radio networks and syndicated TV shows have been seen jamming the streets of major DMAs nationwide. The trucks, of course, are part of Asphalt Media, the roving outdoor media network that festoons ads on the sides of big rigs. In coming weeks, dozens of trucks will begin generating traffic in major cities on behalf of Buena Vista Television's "The Tony Danza Show," "Live with Regis & Kelly" and "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." Others will be promoting the syndication launch of "Malcolm in the Middle," as well as a re-recording of the show's theme song by a hot new band. Personally, we're mighty fond of the "They Might Be Giants Take." But if you're fond of digital music beamed from the heavens, the ground-mover medium will also be promoting satellite radio network XM Radio.