• by John Gaffney , September 2, 2002

Hootie And The Nofish: I value three pieces of advice in life. One: always finish your antibiotics. Two: never play cards with a man whose first name is a state or city. Three: Never trust a guy named Hootie. Turns out there’s a guy named Hootie who completed one of the great dumb plays of sports marketing or advertising history over the weekend. If you missed it, here’s what happened. On Friday, Hootie Johnson, Augusta National’s all-male membership Club chairman, and the man who calls the shots for The Masters golf tournament, announced that he was dumping the tournament’s three official sponsors IBM, Citigroup and Coca-Cola. The reason: Johnson didn’t want these companies to be exposed to the pressure being placed on Augusta National by the National Council of Women's Organization, to allow women members. So The Masters as of right now, will be unsponsored on CBS next April. But Hootie didn’t think this through. First of all, the rule is archaic, ignorant and sexist. Also the NCW will not stop at Augusta or The Masters TV sponsors. It’s already after CBS to bail on telecasting The Masters. Buick sponsors Tiger Woods. Nike sponsors Tiger and many other popular players. Bet your last golf ball that these sponsors will be pressured by the NCW. The buck won’t stop with Hootie’s penchant for control. Meanwhile, Augusta and The Masters continue to isolate itself from the 21st Century, and deny companies that have helped build its tournament into a special event opportunity to access its audience. Hootie, I have three letters for you: P-B-S.

I’m In Training: A special message to all you news organizations who can’t tell a publicity stunt from a news story: I am training to go into space. That’s right. I have been running, working out at the YMCA and controlling my diet. Fast foods have been knocked off my menu (unless one of them wants to sponsor me). I have begun the process of contacting NASA about being the first journalist in space, and I’m hoping they’ll wave the $15 million fee to get me aboard the next space shuttle. Anyone who wants to interview me about my endeavor, or the novel I’m currently writing, can reach me via email. Please leave my wife and kids out of this. They don’t want the harsh media spotlight.

And I’m Not Smoking: I am very much looking forward to Miami agency Crispin, Porter & Bogusky’s take on anti-smoking. They won the account for Blue Cross’s $80 million effort, but their start date will be held up by litigation. CP&B likes to make its own rules. Don’t expect anything boring.