Little has changed in the top three hookups and breakups of 2005 (aside from Nick and Jessica officially separating and Brad looking to adopt Angelina's children), which got me thinking: how hard is it to place a new spin on a recycled story, week in and week out?
I picked up the latest issue of Us Weekly and challenged it to tell me something new about the top couples of 2005. Breaking news: it's harder than you'd think.
Let's begin with the Britney and Kevin saga. The cover story fills pages with recent pictures of the couple (each alone, natch) and a timeline chronicling the downward spiral. I learned two things: One, Kevin has supposedly checked into the luxurious Beverly Hills Hotel and two, his $250,000 Ferrari was towed to a local dealership. If that were me, I'd be driving my Nissan to the nearest Travelodge (note to self: find out what I'm doing wrong, stat.).
Next stop, Nick and Jessicaville. Again, updated pictures are published along with space filler also known as a timeline of the couple's now-solo activities.
Nov. 29--Jessica has lunch
Nov. 30--Nick has brunch
Dec. 4--Jessica goes antiquing
What did I take away from this article? Divorce lawyers are being retained as I type, but it hasn't affected Nick and Jessica's appetites.
The feature on Brad and Angelina (3/4 of a page is devoted to copy - the remaining pages are all pictures... how can this be labeled a feature story?) didn't reveal anything new or updated. It did, however, show a copy of the filed adoption papers and brought in a handwriting expert to analyze Jolie's signature. "She has no problem taking the spotlight." Quelle surprise.
There's even a one-page comparison of Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston called "Who looks better," where 100 people in New York City decide who looks better in a dress or dressed down in jeans. (Hint: the "other woman" doesn't come out smelling like roses).
Us Weekly also reported its findings on some in-depth research--celebrity bra size. Because being built like a boy isn't bad enough, the magazine lines up celebs in order from the "A-listers" (Nicole Richie, Debra Messing and Nicole Kidman) to the "DD+" (Tara Reid and Pam Anderson).
My favorite section of the magazine is called: "Stars--they're just like us." We're treated to candid shots of celebrities doing ordinary things in an effort to convince us readers that we're all alike. For example: Keanu Reeves--he shops for DVDs (with an assistant). Russell Crowe--he plays with his kid (conveniently cropped out are the three nannies surely tagging along).
All in all, Us Weekly is a fantastic read when you're looking for a temporary escape from your everyday life. And according to Mediamark Research's Fall 2005 report, Us Weekly readers have an average household income of $65,169, higher than readers of Vogue ($60,432), Glamour ($55,260), and even People ($63,364).
Looks like everyone can use a release now and then.