• by Barbara Lippert , Columnist, April 13, 2024

Those who followed the journey of Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, 72, and his inamorata, Theresa Nist, 70, might have been surprised to hear they are divorcing after three months of holy matrimony, which the couple announced last week on “Good Morning America.”

Obviously, reality TV is hardly “real” and most of us were hardly shocked.

But jeez – couldn’t they have just faked it for the next two months until the “Golden Bachelor”-provided honeymoon in Italy?

Something’s rotten in Gerry’s Indiana. They claimed the issues were distance and family, but many married couples live apart and make it work.

Pop culture exploded with “awwws” that these two older people, bonded in widowhood, found each other and were over the moon.

Despite the tragic marriage record for the “Bachelor” franchise, featuring cads with six-pack abs, Gerry seemed so wholesome.

But not only did the show’s casting and the groom bamboozle us, it turned out he was something of a Talented Mr. Ripley character – smooth talker, conman type.  

At the end of November, co-writer Suzanne O’Malley and I revealed his amazing deceptions in a piece for The Hollywood Reporter (THR), which appeared the day before the finale.

Turns out Gerry (pronounced Gary, as in Indiana) – charming, magnetic and charismatic on the show, with his fake tan, highlighted hair, and augmented teeth – had been misrepresented from the get-go.

The show identified him as a “restaurateur,” but the last “restaurant” he owned was a hamburger franchise in Iowa in 1984. How the casting department didn’t even look at LinkedIn, where he clearly listed a resume that didn’t jibe at all with what the show claimed, is beyond me.

The biggest problem, of course, was his repeated claim to have “never been kissed” in the five years since his beloved wife’s death. It was a great backstory.

But in THR piece, we revealed Gerry had had at least three relationships after his wife died, one starting just a month after her funeral.

He romanced that woman for a year, and pushed her to move in with him to his “dream home.” Repeating his pattern of the last 20 years with his wife, “Ger-Bear” was at home all day, retired, while the girlfriend took on a stressful job with a long commute.

He was also a cheap bastard.

He demanded that the girlfriend pay rent, and pony up for half of their restaurant meals in advance so he could be the big man handling the check. He eventually turned ice-cold and threw her out while she was on crutches with a broken leg in the middle of winter.  

But Theresa didn’t know this.

In the show, after Gerry was hot and heavy with Theresa, he took a break to be with Leslie. Then, it wasn’t until the Fantasy Suites episode that Gerry asked Theresa about her work.

When he discovered she was a serious financial professional with many licenses, his eyes bugged out, cartoon style. That seemed to be his deciding factor for choosing her over Leslie, a wilder dancer type with whom he'd slept the night before.

I have zero inside info, but he seemed to want Theresa, who is still working, to move in and bring her money. 

Even by the time of the two-hour long, “fairy tale” prime time wedding, full of previous Bachelor Nation single cast member guests and blatant product placement, Theresa seemed to be a tamped down version of the outspoken person she was on “Golden Bachelor” previously.

On those episodes, she looked way more sophisticated and contemporary in her own stylish clothing and makeup. For the TV wedding, she looked almost drowning in the voluminous wedding gown and veil, like “virginal” bride cosplay, and such a contrast to the gown she wore to accept Gerry’s proposal in the finale.

When TV reporters asked about the THR piece’s revelations in the many interviews the couple did after the finale, Theresa claimed she had already “discussed it with Gerry” and was “fine with it.”

So why did she look like she was in a hostage tape?

This week, a photo of the couple appeared after they had reunited after “three months of living apart,” according to the headline. Perhaps they reunited to please the franchise overlords.

The body language was telling: he stood apart from her, not touching her. Previously, he was super affectionate and handsy. She leaned into him, but held her arms in a way that suggested that she was wearing a strait jacket.

By then she was, metaphorically.

Earlier on they had announced they would each sell their homes and move together to Charleston, S.C., where they could buy a new house and each be near family. But that never happened. And my guess is that he refused to budge from his bachelor pad in Indiana.

Good thing she insisted on having a prenup.

It’s still mystifying why, after holding hands for dear life the whole time on the “GMA” interview, stressing their continuing love for each other, that they had to “dissolve” the marriage, as Gerry put it. But Theresa was a good soldier, and really sold it.

“The thing that strikes me the most in our conversations – it’s been how dedicated both of us are to our families,” Gerry lied to “GMA” reporter Juju Chang. He continued a lot of blah blah until he said, “I think we just feel like it’s best, for the happiness of each of us, to live apart.”

That shouldn’t mean divorce, necessarily. The reason must be something much larger than distance, because Gerry stands to lose money now that he’s a bachelor again.

Theresa maintained she still wanted to give older people hope, and that there is love at a later age.

I’m not sure she meant it ironically, but when asked on the “Dear Shandy” relationship podcast to give advice to the next Bachelorette, she said, “Just go out there and be yourself.”