• by Jim Meskauskas , April 8, 2004

Sometimes it is a delicate and dangerous dance we do together, the buyers of media and those that sell it.

As has always been and ever will be the case, it is a relationship that is, by its very nature, contentious. Buyers try to get the most media and give up the least for it; sellers try to part with the least media and get the most for it. There is nothing wrong with this interchange. It is part of the natural order of things.

But they are different people, both in terms of individuals as well as human archetypes.

In the words Alan Thicke, Gloria Loring, Gene Morford and Linda Harmon gave us when they put together that wonderful piece of music, the theme song to "Different Strokes":

"Now the world don't move, to the beat of just one drum! What might be right for you, may not be right for some..."

As y'all know, I ended up on the buyer side. I simply was not capable of selling. When I had to push chocolate Easter eggs for the Catholic grade school I went to, I was overcome with a kind of anxious and sticky depression. The only family in the neighborhood who would buy them was the Fogertys (yep, of Credence fame) because the kids also went to Catholic school and had to sell stuff for fundraisers. It was a natural quid pro quo.

With each "I'm not interested," my 10-year-old ego was beveled at unkind angles; self-esteem falling away like the pastel sprinkles off the eggs I was so desperately trying to offload so that I wouldn't be subjected to looks of shame from the Sisters of Notre Dame.

The only time I almost liked selling was when I started moving Chinese throwing stars in 7th grade. I was buying them wholesale from a catalog. In that case, the product sold itself, really. What 12-year old boy DOESN'T want to own a set of matching and varying-sized throwing stars? Of course, when the fellas started throwing them at each other and the supplier of such schoolyard contraband was discovered, my sales career came to an abrupt end.

I love good salespeople, and most of the closest friends I've made in this industry have been sales folks rather than agency folks. I also think they have a terribly difficult job. Look at it this way: those of you out there who AREN'T in sales; would you really want to have to deal with people like ME all the time?

Hell, I know I'd have gone back to cleaning up oil spills in El Paso if I had to sell to guys like me all the time.

The nice thing about getting older is being able to admit to yourself what you are, or are not capable of. I know that I would be a horrible sales person if it were something I'd have to do on a daily basis. I learned that selling those chocolate Eater eggs. I'm so bothered by rejection that I'm depressed for a week when the 8-ball reads "Ask Again Later."

I'm also a big nerd who hates to use the telephone. If I were to get into sales I'd be like Gil on "The Simpsons," pouring crank case oil on the rug of an AA meeting just to demonstrate the benefits of Amway, only to be thrown out by a couple of burly recovering alcoholics.

Often times we lose sight of what makes this business hum. Over-reliance on impersonal methods of communication like email, can make the buyer less interested each go round to spend money with a publisher, and the rep for said publisher less interested in offering the best service they can.

It is helpful to remember that email can't make everything happen. As much as I hate it, the phone is a fabulous tool. In the last few weeks, there have been some complications (minor, but complications nonetheless) with a publisher. Though there was a moment where things could have gotten tense, the representative for the site had the good sense to actually pick up the phone and make sure that things didn't spiral out of control. It is a lot harder to be rude and get angry with someone who is represented just by words in an email, than it is with a person whose voice you hear. We could actually all do better to remember that we are dealing with people and not just email accounts.

I may not treat y'all this way on a regular basis, but in my heart I have the utmost respect for most of those in sales and the work that they do. There are still some slimy mo'fo's out there (like the guy who back in the day said, "do you know who I am?" He called my boss and threatened to call my client because I thought what he was selling was inappropriate for a client and felt free to tell him so). But most of those who are still working it, and there are some of you reading this column, you rock. I know I couldn't do your job, and I couldn't do mine without you.