• by Larry Dobrow , Featured Columnist, June 5, 2012

One unexpected boon of the YouTube era is how it has given rise to a promising new genre of creative expression, one that I like to call M.W.S. (marketing while stoned). Now that the Internet has freed marketers from the burdens of shoehorning their work into 30-second slots and keeping it sufficiently pure of heart to air during shows starring Charlie Sheen, they're free to do whatever the hell they want. They can slyly allude to Pulp Fiction, riff on the menace of de-elasticized athletic socks or populate their spots with anthropomorphic appliances. If in the process a brand is bolstered or some product is moved, all the better.

M.W.S. has only been around for a few years, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a better representative of the genre than "Hot Pockets Limited Edition Infomercial." Its name suggests an infomercial in which Hot Pockets attempts to prompt viewers to buy its Chili Sauce Cheese Dog and BBQ Recipe Bacon Burger Hot Pockets - which, judging by the "limited edition" tag, are the frozen-food-aisle, probably-non-carcinogenic, equivalent of a 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild Jeroboam. But oh, the clip is much more than that. So much more.

It's impossible for me to believe that large quantities of Dr. Grinspoon weren't involved at every point in the creative process, on both the pitching and the receiving end. In fact, I imagine the pitch went down like this: "Okay, like, so there's gonna be this infomercial, right? And there'll be this host guy in it, and he's gonna be really smarmy and loud, and have an awesome name, like 'Steve Bargain'? [shoots a hazy thumbs-up across the table] And it's gonna show this totally angry dude who blows up a package of hot dogs with a rifle? Then we're gonna have some power chords and show this super-hot chick blowing on the Hot Pockets, because they're hot, but she's gonna be all, 'I know, how totally ridiculous is this?' about it? [mutes speaker phone to silence giggles]. And then we'll bring in the squirrels and luchadores."

Happily, the final product manages to exceed the randomness and deliberate-stupidity quotient of what's described above. The infomercial - and it's a real infomercial, complete with an 800 number that allows callers to request an audience with Wanda (the aforementioned super-hot chick) or record a version of the Hot Pockets jingle - is overlong, overstuffed and way the hell over the top, to an extent that renders it impossible not to like. Hell, I'm half-convinced that a Hot Pockets operative surreptitiously cranked up the dial on my computer speakers, because the infomercial played at a volume roughly 35 decibels louder than the clip I watched before it.

The too-much-isn't-close-to-enough approach pays off in other ways. If you pace your clip at a brisk 720 words per minute, your chances of stumbling upon an Internet-ready catchphrase ("blow on it, Wanda") increases significantly. The fake testimonials that know they're fake testimonials are a nice touch, especially the one from the sleepy-eyed dude who recalls starting a "war on chili." And the preposterously engorged ordering info at end hits viewers with a pair of infomercial-appropriate tags ("batteries not included," "as seen in your MOUTH") and a veritable avalanche of images, including storks, turtles, kangaroos, marathoners, Uncle Sam, German thank-you cards, a kindly old widower and Wanda (like, 12 times).

The clip does nothing for Hot Pockets as a brand, but in this instance it probably doesn't matter. Hot Pockets doesn't want to be a part of the national conversation on obesity; it wants to get microwave-reliant lard aficionados to say PUT THAT FOOD IN THE HOLE IN MY FACE. The clip makes the limited-edition treats look more or less savory, if you're into that kind of thing. Mission accomplished.

M.W.S. is as notoriously fickle as the herb that fuels it, so the utter absurdity of "Hot Pockets Limited Edition Infomercial" will prove hard to replicate. But I sure hope that somebody tries, especially if that somebody double-majored in marketing and hydroponic sciences. Go to it, kids.