"Tesla: Origins" Is Full Of Sublime Self-Important Silliness
What's the official Association For Ethical Comportment In Web Punditry Mislabeled As Journalism policy on graft-solicitation? I ask because I'd like a new Tesla and, in today's exercise, I have an opportunity to hail a Tesla brand endeavor as one of humankind's boldest artistic statements. If the association folks give the thumbs-up, I'm ready to break out the grandiloquent dictionary and start throwing around adjectives like "callithumpian," "xyresic" and "butyraceous."» 2 Comments
Oreos Hits With One Brand Video, Misses With Movie Tie-In Piece
Today in "brand tie-ins I don't understand, because I'm old and set in my ways and believe that everything was better when I was 19, except the Yankees and ease of non-library information retrieval": the new Oreos commercial that started airing earlier this week. Did anybody catch this? A kid on his bicycle happens upon a Transformers pileup on a rural road. Warily, he approaches the felled beast (are Transformers beasts, technically speaking? I was more a Q*bert kind of kid) and hands him/her/it an Oreo. Duly yummified, the Transformer gets off the turf, says, "Thanks, kid" (Transformers can talk?) ...» 0 Comments
AT&T Hits Paydirt With "AT&T Official Unofficial Lab: Toddlers vs. Galaxy S5 Active"
So, does anyone have any thoughts on the legal and humanitarian implications of modifying one of those invisible perimeter pet fences for use by/with a toddler? Say, a toddler who seems gravitationally drawn towards daddy's guitars? One whose hands are somehow permanently coated with melted cream cheese, even after a thorough scrubbing and a few hours in a hazmat tent? I'm asking for a friend.» 0 Comments
Where Have All The Father's Day Ads Gone?

When a sponsored Twitter-tweet popped into my media place this morning reporting that “only 20% of dads think they are accurately depicted in the media,” I was like, heck to the yizzle, we’re not. Dads in ads are bumblers with bellies. They routinely get outsmarted by the kids. Most seem to be afflicted with some kind of degenerative neurological condition, one that prevents them from executing even the most basic of tasks (“do not allow the pets to engage in acts of emotional congress”). I can only assume that their spouses stick around due to the enormity of their ...» 0 Comments

'How Far Would You Queue For Fantastic Delites Curls?' Is Far From Fantastic
I don't know what Fantastic Delites Curls are, but I want them. That name sells the product by itself. "Fantastic" connotes superlative excellence, "Delites" connotes cheekily misspelled-for-effect wonderful happiness and "Curls" connotes state-of-the-art gastro-engineering. Fantastic Delites Curls - ooh, I bet they're crunchy and not straight. I could sell Fantastic Delites Curls, and I have the marketing IQ of a BlackBerry executive. Stick a professional extrovert on the street with a live mic, hand out product samples and ask whether Fantastic Delites Curls deliver upon the myriad promises and glories implicit in their name. Boom.» 1 Comments
Adidas' World Cup Ad Campaign Looks Expensive And Average
Brothers and sisters, I'm here today to set you free. I am giving you express, written permission to not give a crap about soccer during this summer's FIFA World Cup.» 2 Comments
Lions, Van Gils Clothing And Soccer Balls! Oh, My.
About 95 percent of the time, I'm a sensible decision-maker. I check to see what Consumer Reports thinks is best and buy that product, subscribe to that service or decry that predatory entity. When it comes to matters of the wallet, independent thinking is overrated. The other five percent of the time, my deeply ingrained stupidhead instinct kicks in and, always regrettably, I improvise.» 1 Comments
Google Travelogue Diminishes Genius Of Glass
I don't need another means of isolating myself from my fellow sentient beings. That's why I'll likely be the last kid on the block to plug into Google Glass. And yet I can't stop consuming any/all information about each successive Glass iteration, no matter how insignificant. I'm not sure what I think of "Seeds," the first Google-stamped Glass video to go viral, though. On one hand, its payoff packs an emotional wallop. On the other, "Seeds" actually casts the product in its least ambitious light to date. It takes videos? So does everything else.» 1 Comments
The Latest Installment Of Short Attention Span Theater
I'd like to start today's column with a shout-out to the pharmaceutical industry. Following a 48-hour stretch in which I participated in a range of nonstrenuous dad activities (bowling, power-washing, assembly of "big boy bed" for son), my back exploded. As a result, most of my recent waking moments have been spent in a muscle-relaxant haze, full of rainbows and splashy dolphins and happy pies and la la la la la la la la. I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. Flushing the extra pills after I recover might be wise.» 0 Comments
The New York Times Must Add Some Flexibility To Its 'Verbatim' Video Series
I know I'm supposed to revert into bitchy-media-scold mode whenever The New York Times comes up in casual conversation, but I can't. I like the Times. It informs me and, in doing so, renders me a solid 3.25 percent more - what's the word I'm looking for here? - smart-thinking-y on a daily basis.» 1 Comments
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