• by Tig Tillinghast , December 20, 2002

Senator Trent Lott, who stepped down from his majority leader post this morning, turned turned out to be the greatest boon to BET since Jacque Reid. After apologizing yet again on the cable channel for his repeated declarations of support for the 1948 presidential contender – who split the southern racist vote off of the Democratic party and delivered it into the arms of the Republicans – BET was able to double its normal audience.

I wouldn’t go offering Lott his own comedy special, though, because it turns out the online audience tuned in – online and offline – merely to further loathe him. A poll published on the BET site showed that 81% of respondents thought his apology was “not enough.” Which just goes to show that you can always get that 19% to say anything.

This brings up the tantalizing idea of getting other networks and websites securing exclusivities with other politicians likely to draw in crowds of supporters or rock throwers. Who wouldn’t pay big bucks for the exclusive rights to webcast the next apology by a Republican for naively maligning some ancient culture or ethnicity? I mean, how much longer do we have to wait until Bush mixes up Belgium and the Netherlands? It’s only a matter of time before he starts complimenting Georgian Prime Minister Shevardnadze on the Bulldogs football team. Granted, that’s not going to push the hot buttons over here in the States, but there will be some awfully mad Georgians.

Of course, Bill Clinton’s apology exclusive wouldn’t price very highly, as everyone already has access to many of his previous apologies on the online news archives, as well as frequent file footage appearances on networks like Fox.

Senator Patrick Leahy, the Internet senator: “Can’t figure out how to use the damned thing. Sorry. Use the postal service myself. Really miss those franking privileges.”

Republican announcement of Lott’s being replaced as majority leader wouldn’t quite qualify as an apology, as the reason they seem to be ousting him is more that his compromised situation may lead to a necessarily more friendly view of civil rights.

But my money would have to be on the right to webcast a future Jimmy Carter apology. That would be real news. “I sincerely apologize for rigging the last ten elections in third world nations.” Now that would be a good investment.