• by T. Miller , January 29, 2003

Grab a flagon of nog or wassail, along with the kids in mailroom, and warble this updated yuletide favorite to your office mates. With apologies to the song “All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.”

All I Want For Christmas is a 30 Share

Everybody stops and stares at me
All the hit shows are gone as you can see
I don’t know just who to blame for this catastrophe!
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas
is a 30 share or two,
a 30 share or two,
see my new hit shows!

Gee, if I could only have a few big hits,
I could attract all those kids with zits.
It seems so long since I could whistle,
The theme song to a show that didn’t fizzle.

All I want for Christmas
is a 30 share or two,
a 30 share or two,
see my new hit shows!

Gosh oh gee, how happy I’d be,
If I could just beat the lowly WB!