• by Aaron Goldman , Op-Ed Contributor, March 7, 2012

It’s been more than three years since my last installment of searchery rhymes.

The 2008 edition featured such favorites as Yahickory Dickory Dock, Hey Barry Diller, Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt, and Bah Bah Ballmer.

The 2007 edition rocked Little Bill Gates, Google Google Privacy Eater, There Was an Ole Woman Who Worked at Yahoo, and Barry Had a Little Butler.

Since my latest edition, I’ve tripled my kid count and, rather than try and explain to them what I do, I just read one of these at night…

Smack, Goes the Panda

(Pop, Goes the Weasel)

All around the search engine results,
The farmer chased the panda.
The farmer knew its content was thin.
Smack, goes the panda.

Scott, Be Nimble

(Jack, Be Nimble)
 
Scott, be nimble,
Scott, be quick,
Hope few to the curb
Scott will kick.

I’ve Been Workin’ on the Algo

(I’ve Been Workin’ on the Railroad)

I’ve been workin’ on the algo,
All the live-long day.
I’ve been workin’ on the algo,
So that Bing can make some pay.

Why can’t I hear the cash flowing?
All the ads seem to have been shorn.
“Relevancy first!” Qi Lu’s shouting,
No way to monetize all thatporn!

The Webspam Man

(The Muffin Man)

Oh, do you know the webspam man,
The webspam man, the webspam man,
Oh, do you know the webspam man,
Who works in Mountain View?

Oh, yes, I know the webspam man,
The webspam man, the webspam man,
Oh, yes, I know the webspam man,
I’ve circled him, have you?

Where is SOPA?

(Where is Thumbkin?)
 
Where is SOPA?
Where is SOPA?
Here I am, here I am.
Whatcha doing now, sir?
Trying to snoop and track you.
Go away, go away.

Siri Makes Search Real Fun

(Sally Go Round the Sun)
Siri makes search real fun.
Siri can query a tune.
Siri knows how to stir the pot
Ev’ry afternoon... BOOM!

London Web is Falling Down

(London Bridge is Falling Down)

London Web is falling down,
Falling down, falling down.
London Web is falling down,
My fair cookie.

Must disclose and get consent,
Get consent, get consent,
Must disclose and get consent,
My fair cookie.

How will we opt them in,
Opt them in, opt them in?
How will we opt them in,
My fair cookie?

Go ahead and pop it up,
Pop it up, pop it up.
Go ahead and pop it up,
My fair cookie.

All users will run away,
Run away, run away,
All users will run away,
My fair cookie.

Why not try and splash a page,
Splash a page, splash a page?
Why not try and splash a page,
My fair cookie?

My customers will not stay,
Will not stay, will not stay.
My customers will not stay,
My fair cookie.

Do not fret, we shan’t enforce,
Shan’t enforce, shan’t enforce.
Do not fret, we shan’t enforce,
My fair cookie.

This Young Zuck

(This Old Man)

This young Zuck, he’s not dumb,
Got Ballmer under his thumb,
With a knick, knack, paddy whack,
Keep throwing Steve a bone,
‘Til this young Zuck bows an engine of his own.