Sounding like some latter-day holy Howard Beale, Ireland's most senior Catholic churchman told his congregation recently that if people turned off TVs, personal stereos, and mobile phones one day a
week to reflect and pray, "they would notice a significant improvement in their mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being."
Archbishop Sean Brady, who clearly prefers the analog life,
concluded: "Our ears are constantly exposed to the ceaseless chatter of talk radio, the rap and pop of digitized and downloaded music, and the endless melodies of mobile phones as they ring in the
street, the car--and, yes, even in the church."
Archbishop Brady, undoubtedly pushed to the brink by hearing the Mexican Hat Dance issue from a parishioner's cell phone right smack in the middle
of "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost," makes one pause to ponder whether we are indeed better or worse off with all this new digital technology. Let's tally the scores.
Cell Phones
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Better: You can call your husband from the hotel where you are having a torrid affair with the Director of Strategic Planning and convince him you are still in the "endless" client
meeting; You don't have to lose 50 cents in a non- (or barely) functional NYC payphone every time you try to make a call; Once you have dispatched your long-suffering husband on errands, you can
keep calling and adding one more stop on his mission; You can listen for the telltale background shout of "mas tequila!" when you call to see how your daughter's studying is going at the library.
Worse: Your six-year-old will call to report on a successful bowel movement, and you'll have to say, "I am so pleased" while five people in your office avoid eye contact with each other; People
will assume that by walking five feet from you they have passed into an atmospheric air lock where no sound can be transmitted, and thus will proceed to discuss the most intimate details of their work
and personal lives; It will be easier to read Mayan glyphs than decipher your cell plan invoice; Stuff that could have waited until you got home, no longer will.
Ruling: Worse
iPods
Better: You can download only the three good cuts from any album and not have to suffer through the other 9 tracks that suck; It can help drown out the guy in the atmospheric air lock; Your kids
will think you are cool--at least until they hear your Grateful Dead and Jefferson Airplane tunes; You can pretend that girls in their 20s are impressed, even though to them you still look like an
old, fat guy with an iPod.
Worse: You have to have the touch of a neurosurgeon to operate the controls successfully; Even really cool people get run over by cars when they wear iPods on their
bikes or skates; Everyone around you will assume you are an effete snob withdrawing from all social intercourse; When the guy calls to ask about your iPod experience, he really isn't interested, he
only wants to sell you an extended warranty.
Ruling: Better
TV Sets
Better: Thanks to cable, there is something worth watching on occasion; Your kids get to lord over the heads of their
classmates that your TV is bigger than theirs; Liz Cho; Your youngest will let you eat dinner in peace if you let them watch the TV in the basement; ESPN; You can hide the plasmas behind a curtain
and not have to drop two grand on an armoire.
Worse: In this case (and this case only)--to your wife--bigger is NOT better; Even with five sets in the house, the kids will argue over who controls
which TV; commercials are getting cruder and less interesting; Since there is only one TV in the bedroom and the choice is between the movie in which the young mom battles cancer and game seven of
the NBA finals, guess who schleps to the basement; Bill Mahrer; there are only a handful of hi-def channels.
Ruling: Worse
Score one for the Irish Catholic Primate. Although it would seem
to me that regardless of our media habits, if we all were to take one day a week to reflect and pray, we indeed would notice a significant improvement in our mental, emotional, and spiritual
well-being.
Before the Super Bowl, wasn't that what Sunday was all about?