• by Richard Whitman , Columnist, October 18, 2017

Global Protection Corp. is a bespoke maker of condoms. Or semi-bespoke anyway, with a new brand, myOne Perfect Fit condoms that come in 10 lengths, 9 widths and 60 sizes in total, according to a very ill-timed, very boys-clubby launch campaign touting the product. 

A video at the core of the campaign is full of men thrusting their hips back and forth as their crotches—their penises really—“talk” about the discomfort they feel when wearing ordinary condoms. 

The setting for the ad is a suburban house party. Both men and women are in attendance, although no woman has a speaking part—they’re really just part of the scenery. Objects, essentially. Yeah, this campaign is strictly about how the guys feel during sex. For all you can tell from this ad, women don’t have feelings during sex. 

Yeah this video is about the guys and their penises and the way their pelvises thrust when their dicks “talk.” This video ad would be stupid and offensive anytime, but its particularly so now in the midst of the Harvey Weinstein scandal where so many woman have allegedly been scarred at the hands of one very evil or sick (maybe both it’s hard to say) individual. 

I mean talk about being culturally tone deaf. You do have to wonder whether everybody involved in this campaign has been living under a rock for the past couple of weeks. So a bit of advice for those that are involved: Google the name Weinstein, quickly catch up on the news you’ve missed and pull the entire campaign. It needs reworking anyway. 

The video is cringe-worthy from start to finish. But the height of cringe-worthiness, for me anyway, comes when the CEO of the company, Dave Wedel, starts talking about how his company’s custom condom “made a real difference for me.” 

Then his dick starts talking as Dave goes into full hip thrust mode. “Actually it made a real difference for me,” Dave’s dick intones.

I know. Hilarious, right?

“Of course,” Dave replies, “But I’m the CEO.” 

Determined to have the last word, Dave’s dick retorts, “Yeah, but I’m in charge. Everybody knows that.” 

Right, the dick is in charge. What a great message for the kids who stumble upon this online. Or anyone for that matter. HW couldn’t have said it better. 

In case you’re wondering, Interpublic’s Jack Morton Worldwide and sibling Devries International are behind this lame marketing effort.

Not your best work, folks.