It’s time for my annual made-up-statistics column, bringing together the best guesses of some of my compatriots, all in an effort to answer the question: “What if research studies weren’t all
sponsored by sales departments?”
Why do viewers click?
24%: Mistakenly had finger on the mouse button a little too hard 4%: Little brother dared them 6%: Work for competitor
3%: Work for ad agency 7%: Work for site 2%: Viewer is a monkey 54%: Interested in product Whatever happened to all the Internet hipsters?
22%: Got married 27%:
Got promoted, feels awkward being hip while managing small staff 12%: Law school 4%: Created new internet think tank (in mother’s basement) 4%: Created new VC firm (in mother’s basement)
21%: Moved into print and outdoor 10%: Still there (in mother’s basement) Reasons Why People Attend Local Interactive Group Party
8%: Recruit talent 0%: Enjoy provided food
31%: Sell self to first willing employer 34%: Sell product 17%: Get out of office early 10%: Hobnob
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Where do “opt-in” email list email addresses come from?
24%:
Culling emails indiscriminately from Web sites 12%: Adding people onto list after believing they were opting for some other service or product 51%: Purchasing lists from fly-by-night outfits,
methodology unknown 4%: Employing large computer banks staffed by monkeys typing random addresses 1%: Little brothers vengefully opting in siblings 8%: Real people actually opting in
because they want to see daily messages about discount engine parts available from Szechwan Province Reasons Major TV Advertisers Spent Most of Their Money on TV
3%: They can’t read
9%: They think it provides cheap reach 40%: They believe it will better help their career 23%: They believe TV creatives are more fun 12%: Nobody ever won an Emmy for a banner 3%:
They’re actually monkeys
