• by Barbara Lippert , Columnist, April 7, 2024

On the Eastern seaboard, we’ve recovered from a surprise 4.8-strength earthquake, the biggest in 140 years. The April 5 quake resulted in the kind of rumble that made me wonder whether a subway train had been installed underneath my sofa.

But in more expected celestial news, as you probably are aware, on April 8 a total solar eclipse will cross North America, passing over Mexico, the United States, and Canada, according to the NASA web site that is itself so cool -- it moves into shadowy darkness as we read it, as if we’re experiencing the path of totality in real time.

The 115-mile path of totality (when the moon entirely covers the sun) will be across parts of the Midwest, the Rust Belt and the Northeast, though most of the country will get to see the moon pass in front of at least a portion of the sun.

Millions of veteran “eclipsers” from Austin to Ogunquit have already made the pilgrimage to these areas for a front-row seat, taking proper safety precautions.

Some scientists will see the total solar eclipse as an opportunity to test one of Albert Einstein’s most revolutionary ideas, general relativity.

On the other end of the spectrum, casual observers might choose to just step outside and look up, hoping their retinas don’t get seared into oblivion.

Even our former president during the solar eclipse of 2017 looked up into the sun, from the Truman balcony, sans eye coverage of any sort, with no apparent eyeball damage.

But as with many other things in his life, perhaps 45 had made a special deal with the solar system.

Looking directly into an eclipse sun, however, is a bad idea and widely not advised. Eyes don’t have any pain receptors and can get burned by UV rays, just as our skin can.

Space.com recommends that no one view the sun without wearing International Organization Standardization (ISO)-certified eclipse glasses.

NASA’s eclipse safety page notes that “Viewing any part of the bright Sun through a camera lens, binoculars, or a telescope without a special-purpose solar filter will instantly cause severe eye injury.”

Given the next solar eclipse over the U.S. won’t occur until 2044, it does focus the mind on the importance of fully experiencing this one. Solar eclipses are poetic, in that they unite us across time and the universe with generations of ancestors who had fears stirred up about monsters or devils streaking across the sky.

Viewing can get emotional, as experiencing the darker moments together can prove to us that we’re all part of something much greater.

And perhaps our forebears would have felt more comforted about the whole sky watch had they lived to see the many eclipse deals we can enjoy today.

On the day of the solar event, Pizza Hut is selling large pizzas for $12 with its “Total Eclipse of the Hut” promotion.

It’s a bit sly, going with the Bonnie Tyler “Total Eclipse of the Heart” song reference rather than the more direct “moon in the sky like a big pizza pie” offered by the classic song “That’s Amore.”

Then again, I love anything related to moon and pie. Of course the MoonPie brand is in on the sun action and believes this is the day “the moon wins” – up to four minutes if we’re lucky. To mark the occasion, the mini-chocolate treat introduced a limited-edition eclipse carton, which can be found in stores and online.

In fact, the ad community seems to have taken Tyler’s 1983 hit to heart, Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon be damned.

During the 2017 event, Warby Parker, the fashionable eyeglass maker and retailer, parodied “Total Eclipse of the Heart” in a music video featuring moon-and-sun-dressed dancers sashaying around an empty school building. 

More importantly, they gave away ISO-certified solar eclipse glasses at all stores.

Be careful when hunting for eclipse glasses. Many of the offerings on Amazon look like the goofy, solidly non-tech cardboard glasses given out to 3-D movie goers in the 1950s.

Fortunately, Warby Parker is repeating their offer this year, giving out free ISO-approved eclipse eyewear in its 240 stores through April 8 while supplies last.

Or you might just do what my father suggested to me back in the astral 1970s: hold a colander up to the sky.

As it turns out, the pinhole thing works. Should you not be able to snag a pair of glasses, Warby Parker shows you how to make your own eclipse pinhole projector on its website.

Then again, to avoid fallout -- corneal or otherwise -- I might just hide out under my sofa.