• by Barbara Lippert , Columnist, June 3, 2024

After more than 150 years of flirting on shelves, but remaining chaste, Heinz pickles and ketchup have married into a new union: Heinz Pickle Ketchup.

The couple is registered in Pittsburgh and will reside together in one squeeze bottle.

Rumor has it that they have already partaken of a months-long premarital honeymoon tour of the U.K.

That’s right, fellow Americans. The newly coupled condiments have been gracing stores in the U.K. since Pickle Day in November of 2023.

Why no dipping for us?

After all, Henry J. Heinz, dubbed the “Pickle King” because he owned the largest pickle company in the United States, was the quintessential American success story.  He’d started the HJ Heinz company in 1876, selling both pickles and ketchup, and was an innovator in sales, manufacturing, advertising, merchandising, and employee rights.  Props to Henry, even if what might have been the apple of his eye, Pickle Ketchup, has been withheld from our nation until barbecue season 2024.

Certainly, it’s the right time for an introduction. Pickles are having a culinary and cultural moment. “Obsession with pickles is at a high, with 73% of Americans reporting that they enjoy the taste of pickles,” Heinz said in a statement, citing a recent Datassential Report.

Yelp’s Top Food Trends for 2023 also reported that that pickle-flavored products top the list, including pickle ice cream and pickle dressings.

But talk about a slow open. (Heinz ketchup reference there.)

Still, now that the P and K are joined in a crazy fusion, why no attempts at cutesy couple product names? Kickle? Pet-chup? I guess I answered my own question. Plus, portmanteaus like Bennifer are struggling right now, 

How about at least giving the name a hyphen, so pickle and ketchup would seem less like strangers?

Plus, you’d think Heinz might have launched this revolution in a bottle with more of a big budget bang.

Perhaps to make up for lost time, or just to rub it in about the ghost product aspect, a campaign from creative agency Rethink features OOH billboards in New York City and Chicago.  Headlined, “You Can Already Taste It,” and “You Just Got a Taste, Didn’t You?” they show a burger with the more traditional forms of pickle and ketchup on it, with an open graphic of the Heinz keystone label uniting them.

The vintage ketchup label even featured a drawing of a little gherkins, so there’s always been a mind meld in Pittsburgh.

There’s also online video, “You Can Already Taste It,” featuring street interviews with Gen Z New Yorkers strolling around the farmer’s market in Union Square. They’re asked by a comedian/reporter to describe how they expect the condiment to taste, without having had it.

They are largely worshipful. “Magic,” one guy said. Others imagined “the best of all worlds!” and “sweet, savory, and zesty!” These people are born copywriters.

And it seems like a clever psychological ploy, because I started responding like Pavlov’s dog just hearing them talk about the brilliance of the combined taste.

It’s a campaign about nothing we imagined we’d need, but now it sure seems like something.

Congrats to the happy couple. Have a long and delicious life together.