• by Barbara Lippert , Columnist, September 9, 2024

This “epic,” nine-headed, mega cross-platform promotional extravaganza, aka commercial, involves the brands Paramount Pictures, Pepsi, the NFL, plus Megan Thee Stallion and her entourage rocking out to a certain number by Queen, circa 1977.

Essentially, “Gladiator II,”  the NFL season, Pepsi Zero Sugar, Megan TS and “We Will Rock You” are all joined in the hopes of achieving hot interprofitability.

First, I was bowled over by what must have been the cost of making this three-minute spectacular. The spot, directed by Jake Scott (his father, Ridley Scott, directed the 2000 “Gladiator” movie and the upcoming sequel) has a cast of thousands, not counting the CGI, and the colliding universes of very expensive talent.

Would it be around $25 million to $30 million, maybe?

I also found a lot of it head-scratching. The concept is not tethered to reality, and the narrative seems kind of random.

But let’s go back to the beginning, which was simple enough for me to understand.

Two dudes walk into a bar.

Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that. The guys are both popular, semi-well-known actors: Jake Lacy (“White Lotus”) and Lamorne Morris (New Girl”). Are they appearing as themselves or just following some other script about being average barstool guys besting each other over their fantasy football picks?

They mention such megastars as Justin Jefferson, Derrick Henry, Josh Allen, and Travis Kelce, who happen to be four of the costliest NFL players and later play a major role as gladiators in the part of the spot that promotes “Gladiator II,” but I’m getting ahead of myself.

So, we find Lacy and Morris at the bar, bro-ing over “game day” as viewers get a chance to try to figure out why they look familiar.

The barkeep polishes the counter and asks what they’re having.

They each order a Pepsi.

I assume some people do walk into a bar on game day and order a Pepsi, and it’s not the start of an ancient "Saturday Night Live"  “cheeseburger…no Coke, Pepsi” routine.

The bartender comes back with two manly cans. And I’m thinking, if you did order a Pepsi, wouldn’t you want it in a delicious fountain serving?

But then we might not get the branding of the cans sporting the slightly peculiar choice of the Pepsi Zero Sugar variety, which they did not ask for.

But the cans are key here, because the crack when the top is popped  mesmerizes these two. As they stare into the can, it transforms into an ancient coliseum and takes them, and us, along. Ancient Romans are packed in the stands, and  for amusement, there are gladiators and lions and tigers and bears. Just tigers, actually.

Yes, NFL players are sometimes called modern-day gladiators -- meaning our old friends Jefferson, Henry, Allen, and Kelce.

They march out in full Gladgear, and there’s lots of stuff involving metal and locks and doors. And the two guys from the bar are also there, right on the stadium floor (called a hypogeum.) They’re seated in front of an ancient Roman coffin filled with ice and Pepsi cans.

And then some major warrioring and tigering happens, and we hear “Silence!” It’s the commanding three-time Grammy winner Megan Thee Stallion as she launches into “We Will Rock You."

It turns out that she’ll star Sept. 5 at MTV’s 2024 Video Music Awards in full gladiator regalia before the airing of the two-minute-plus version of the commercial-- how’s that for synergy?

She’s terrific in the spot, and I especially loved the part when the gladiators roll out the giant stairway.

 But in her (many) press interviews about this Pepsi epic, she says she’s incredibly honored to appear on the shoulders of a 2003 Pepsi commercial that also featured “We Will Rock You,” and starred Beyonce, Britney Spears and Pink as Roman gladiators (turns out the sexy gladiator is a thing) -- and, for some reason, Enrique Iglesias.

I had no memory of this supposedly famous ad. In fact I never saw it, because it was distributed only in international markets, not the U.S.

This spot also seems “international” crossed with Las Vegas in sensibility. (When in Rome…)

It ends with the Coliseum turning into a snowy football stadium in Buffalo, (beautifully executed effect) and the gladiators are once again mere players on the stage.

In the end, the two guys are back at the bar, and we hear Kelce deliver the famous "Gladiator" line, “Are you not entertained?”

Wait, let me think.