• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, May 11, 2007

Publicis, Droga5, and Digitas have bet between $5 million and $10 million that online content openly produced by and featuring advertiser brands will appeal to 18- to 35-year-olds, an age spread that encompasses bongs at one end and babies at the other. "It's overt advertising based on the idea that people love brands. They just don't necessarily love it when brands interrupt or deceive them. This will make brands the life of the party rather than the uninvited guest," Andrew Essex, CEO of Droga5, told BizWeek.

Hmmm, brands. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. First of all, I am not entirely certain that I love brands at all. I mean, I LIKE them, but love seems a wee over the top to describe my relationships with MP3 players, dishwasher soap or ice cream sandwiches. More often than not I have mixed feelings about my brands. For example, I love my Jeep because it has lots of power, can climb over curbs like they don't exist and features lots of space for sports equipment. But I also hate Jeeps because they get crappy gas mileage and their finish is so delicate that a collision with a bumblebee can leave a scratch.

Like most right-thinking Americans, I can be loyal to brands as long as they don't screw up. Or if they do, they go to extravagant lengths to makes things right again. I am a pretty understanding guy and try to consider if the brand is directly responsible for a problem. For example, the only independent grocer in my town tends to put Diet Snapple (a major food group for me) on sale just as the sweetener is about to expire (yeah, it's only good for about six months, then starts to taste nasty). So I simply avoid buying Snapple altogether from that store. At any price. I asked Snapple to put a shot across their bow, but if they did, it hasn't stopped the grocer from selling expired product (note to Snapple: Try putting the expiration dates on the outside of cases vs. just on the bottles).

As a being of the male persuasion, I have brands that are sacrosanct in my life. For example, I only buy one brand of running shoe (usually in volume since they change "models" more often than Donald Trump). I like Canon cameras and printers (although if they keep dropping the ink volume in their cartridges, they will be in play in a heartbeat) and I will simply drop over dead if they ever alter Diet Coke. But by and large, I will try a new brand if I think it offers a better product (or price) over what I am using now. This is why I wonder where those guys get the idea that people LOVE brands?

Like most of you, I will do some online research and listen to those idiots who work in Circuit City or Best Buy while they stumble though unintelligible reasons why this brand is better than that brand (always aware that a spiff can't be far away), but will end up picking whatever brand looks best at the right price. To hell with whose name is on the outside. I will change from the soap I've used for 10 years if someone gives my wife a gift set of soap and I think it does just as good a job of removing the garden dirt. I try store brands all the time, and in some cases become loyal to them because they offer comparable quality at a lower price.

The fact is that I am wide-open to new brands. In some cases, I haven't found a better alternative at a lower cost, so will buy some brands no matter what the price (think here Bear Naked Granola, Uncle Ben's Wild Rice, Staple brand paper, certain prescription drugs, and Oreos) but if Publicis, Droga5, and Digitas think for a minute that I will buy a brand because it is subtly inserted into some kind of entertainment programming, they are just dead wrong.

The story you have just read is an attempt to blend fact and fiction in a manner that provokes thought, and on a good day, merriment. It would be ill-advised to take any of it literally. Take it, rather, with the same humor with which it is intended. Cut and paste or link to it at your own peril.