• by Richard Whitman , Columnist, June 2, 2014

Oh, please. Does anyone who has worked in an ad agency for more than two seconds find any inspiration from these ham-handed, buzzword-laden, pointlessly prolific manifestos that are seemingly aimed at corralling the awesomeness of creativity which supposedly resides within the agency? If you've seen/read one, you've seen them all. Well, here's another one -- this time from DDB, which thinks it has the answer. It's influence. It makes us grow. It makes us proud. It makes us free. And it's the freedom from chaos. And fear. And DDB is happy to provide this the world over at the "intersection" of creativity, humanity and technology. And guess what else? DDB doesn't create awareness. Or likes or clicks. Or impressions. No siree. They CREATE RELEVANCE FOR BRANDS! Oh good. Everyone can go to sleep tonight knowing DDB is the only agency in the world that truly understands how to -- dare we even use such a mundane word? -- advertise. Watch it here now before they delete it. 

So former Havas Global CEO David Jones, who was replaced by the son of Havas's controlling shareholder Vincent Bollore (can you say nepotism?) last August and booted from his position as Havas Worldwide CEO in January in favor of Andrew Benett, earned $13.5 million in compensation last year. Though we are loath to bring adulation to agency management salaries, we'd venture to say Jones deserves every penny following that epic ousting.

In an epic statement of the obvious, Amy Fulford, VP and director of social media for Detroit-based Agency 720, said  “We’ve evolved from thinking social media is used only by the Millennial generation to realizing it’s where adults 25 to 54 are, and it’s very important for [car] dealers to reach those eyeballs.” But recovering nicely, she adds, the recommendation that dealers limit their primary focus to Facebook and Twitter saying: “Do those two, and do them very well. Some people try to be everything to everyone across all sites, but if you don’t do it right, it’s better to not do it at all.” We'd agree. Experimentation with new and niche social media channels should be considered -- but if there are limited resources, doing a few things well is way better than doing a lot of things in a half-assed fashion.

Well, this is a laugh. And a challenge to any agency that decides to take it on. Nestle, makers of all kinds of less-than-healthy goodies, has issued an RFP asking agencies to help reposition it as a "recognized and trusted food and beverage, nutrition, health and wellness company." No, seriously. We're not lying. The company that makes Goobers, Raisinets, Butterfinger, Sno-Caps, the $100,000 Grand bar, Babe Ruth and others wants to be known as a health and wellness company. This might be the most egregious effort at further pulling the wool over consumers' eyes, or it could be the greatest brand makeover of all time. Not, of course, with the company drastically changing what goes into all those goodies it has on the shelves in the checkout aisles of every grocery store across the nation .