• by Jack Feuer , April 16, 2008

We live, for the moment at least, in a cyborg society. Not yet digital, no longer analog, it's a strange sort of consumer limbo in which the old world has disappeared but the new one has not yet fully formed. And since we don't really know what works in either, we mix elements of both in business communications.

Marketers have apparently decided that the best way to do this is to allude to our favorite taboo word -- the one that ends in "uck." Currently, we have a slew of Frankenstein-monster marketing and storytelling gambits, most combining this famous celebration of copulation with what, for simplicity's sake, we'll call "Textish" (the acronym dialect spawned by SMS).

And the results, I think, are mostly a frakkin' mess.

In the past week, for example, we've seen the debut of OMFG, the CW's underage boinkapalooza campaign for "Gossip Girl," its show about rich young Manhattanites who are poster children for why euthanasia is a good idea. And TV Land is promoting its new original series about life after 40 with ads that scream: "Embrace the F-Word." I'm just embarrassed for the people who created this one.

Also last week, we watched as the entire cast of "30 Rock" was consumed by the finale of "MILF Island," the fictional reality show first mentioned in an episode that aired before the writer's strike.

I can't say I'm entirely unhappy with that one.

I don't understand why marketers don't just use the actual word by now. It's not like Brent Bozell isn't already on your ass. For sure, nothing else is working all that well. So what have you got to lose? Besides Al Gore and surly teenagers, the word is one of the few things that occur naturally in both of the worlds we live in. More importantly, it's the only word in English that's guaranteed to aid recall. Talk about raising awareness.

Shortening the word, using SMS phrases that contain it, tacking -- word or -- bomb onto its first letter, or putting ** in the middle of it, only cheapens the impact. Plus, it makes you look ridiculous, which is already something of a professional hazard for communicators.

So I did a little research, hoping to find another way to say the word -- and maybe save a few marketing campaigns in the bargain. I learned that it is an ancient word that has always been considered obscene. That it does not and never has meant "fornication under the consent of the king" and that the "pluck yew" story that is frequently claimed to be where the word originated is a complete fabrication.

But I found some help in the Online Etymology Dictionary, where I read that the earliest appearance of its written form was in 1503, as "fukkit." There was also the Norwegian "fukka," German "ficken," French "foutre" and Italian "futuere."

That could help. Anything's better than "embrace the F-word."

But now, you'll have to excuse me. I'm logging on to NBC.com to buy a "MILF Island" T-shirt. Why the fuck not, you know?