"It's about all I ever wear," remarked Zuckerberg, when pressed for an explanation. But with all of Facebook's recent drama won't launching a clothing line be an unnecessary distraction? "I really just need a break," said Zuckerberg twisting his face into a pained pout and breaking out into a cold sweat.
Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg could only roll her eyes and sigh.
Randi Zuckerberg, Facebook's marketing director, came to her little brother's rescue: "We think this is the perfect lifestyle accessory for our fans ... er, people who 'like' us."
They won't exactly be designer duds though. Each garment will be plain and appear like any regular old hoodie save a small blue Facebook "F" sewn onto the lower outside corner of the right pocket, and come in various colors.
Zuckerberg is personally ensuring they meet the standards of the zip-ups in his own wardrobe. He's overseeing the hiring of a veritable army of college students who will be tasked with breaking in the shirts, wearing them for two weeks while they go about their daily activities. The shirts will then be scatted on the floors of a dank dorm specifically rented for this purpose and left to fester for an additional two weeks.
At this stage the tracking devices, so called "check-in enhancement technology" by Facebook, will be sewn into the fabric of the sweatshirts. Each one will also come with an official manual on how the privacy settings may be adjusted, but Zuckerberg said he can't imagine an instance where anyone would want to change them.