Commentary

After 30-Plus Years, Dickie V More Welcome Than Ever

Dear Readers:

It’s Dickie V here, baby! This is awesome with a capital A!

MediaPost is a real PTPer – prime time publication. My buddies there want to acknowledge what a ride my career has been and how thankful they are ESPN hasn’t given me the axe. So, as I get ready to call my 40th Duke-North Carolina game tonight, they’re giving me the floor, baby.

Yes, me! Just a bald Paesan with one eye from North Jersey. A guy who was teaching sixth grade before somehow getting a job coaching in the NBA not long after – until I got the can. Which, turned out to be awesome, baby, because I came to ESPN and haven’t stopped talking since (not that I did before).

MediaPost – I’ll call my guys MP – says this rags-to-riches stuff all used to sound kind of self-absorbed and annoying, but now they love it.

They say if I’ve been using Herculean hyperbole and laying it on thick since even before Pearl Washington was a diaper dandy, they now realize I might not be calling games forever. And, with all the indistinguishable analysts filling game after game on ESPNU, they’re savoring every time I howl “Oh … Dipsy-Doo Dunk-a-Roo” in that indelible booming voice everyone tries to imitate.

advertisement

advertisement

If people still think I’m a circus act, MP says the heck with them. They’re glad I haven’t stopped talking about point guards who do the 3Ds (drive, draw and dish) because they're about the 3Ps (patience, poise and points), which makes them the 3Ss (super, scintillating, sensational).    

I always thought some Adonis would come along and bump me out. But, I’ve been stealing money and sitting courtside since 1979. MP says they are thrilled I’m 72 and yet signed through 2015.

By the way, I've got to give a shout out to John Skipper – ESPN’s new big cheese, the Lee Iacocca of the sports business -- because I want a new contract, so I can say “Are You Serious?” and “He Is Special” another 45,000 times.

MP tells me how pumped they are I’ll be doing that 40th Duke-UNC game tonight -- two programs with great tradition and such phenomenal coaching legends. How lucky I am. Did I mention I’m just a bald Paesan with one eye from North Jersey?

Hey, Coach K is simply the best coach in America in any sport and UNC had Michelangelo (Dean Smith) for all those years. MP reminds me how people say I’m a suck-up to coaches. Hey, I’ve been on the sidelines and know how hard it is. I’ve got one eye and I can see how many calls the zebras miss. These guys deserve their $5 million a year.

MP says they don't mind I still go wild about the Cameron Crazies. And, how I keep saying it’s amazing how future doctors, lawyers and leaders of our country leave the library to scream like kids on a roller coasters for their beloved Dukies. They also think it's pretty cool when I crowd surf at Cameron.

Tonight, Duke-Carolina is in the Dean Dome. Charlie Ward once said the place has a wine-and-cheese crowd. But these days it can get pretty raucous. Before tip, they play “Jump Around” by “House of Pain.” (Before I heard that was a band, I thought that was what visitors called Rupp Arena.)

So, MP is hoping Harrison Barnes nails a trifecta and I start blasting out: “Oh, they love it here in Chapel Hill, oh baby, they love it. Duke better get a T.O. baby!”

Speaking of Dean Smith -- the legend I called the Michelangelo of Coaching -- MP just loves my nicknames. Their all-time favorite is Windex Man -- a rebounder who cleans the glass. They haven't heard it in a while. They miss it.

MP loves it when I give players a team membership and they want me to keep it coming. They want more All-Marco Polo -- players who transfer schools and then excel -- and All-Alcatraz, players having a breakout season.

They want me to work on some new ones, too. Call some players All-Margaret Thatcher, guys not afraid of confrontation. And All-Starbucks, guys who come off the bench and provide a jolt in a hurry.

MP hopes I can find a little time at home in Sarasota to develop some new material. But, they know I've got Yankees spring training coming and hobnobbing with A-Rod. And, they don't want me to cut out quality time with my beautiful wife – it’s upset city baby that she’s been with me all these years – and the rest of my family. That includes my son-in-law whose the best orthopedic surgeon in all the area off exit 207 on I-75.

Freeze it. Did I mention I’m on Twitter? You’ve got to follow me, baby. It's @DickieV. I’ve got 275,000 followers, only 18.7 million behind Lady Gaga, I’m closing in, baby.

Speaking of stardom, I’ve been doing national commercials for years and it looked like I was going to make the big stage Sunday with a Super Bowl ad for Bridgestone. Apparently, I didn’t make the cut. Can’t complain though, Hall of Famers such as Troy Aikman and Tim Duncan beat me out.

MP wonders whether I should be endorsing Hooters with all the cash I've made. They say the chain is popular for its scantily dressed waitresses, which might send the wrong message. How do they know I don't love the grilled cheese platter and who made them the moral police?

But once they realized my involvement has encouraged Hooters to become a huge donor to the V Foundation for Cancer Research, they were heartened. They admire my efforts to help that organization's battle to find a cure for that horrible disease. They thank me for it.

I can talk about the V Foundation and basketball and just about anything else all day. But MP says take a break and get ready for the great one between the Dukies and Heels. 

How lucky I am. Did I mention I’m just a bald Paesan with one eye from North Jersey?

God bless,

Dickie V

(This letter was written by a ghost author without the consent or involvement of Dick Vitale, which might be strictly prohibited.)

Next story loading loading..