• by Adam Buckman , Featured Columnist, November 10, 2015

If your mind starts to wander while watching Donny Deutsch’s new USA Network sitcom “Donny!,” don’t worry because that’s inevitable when you’re watching this show.

For example, when I watched the first two episodes a few weeks ago on a preview DVD, I had all kinds of random thoughts.

For example, I wondered: Why did they put an exclamation point on the “Donny!” title? Are we supposed to utter the title loudly or more emphatically than if it was just “Donny” without an exclamation point? And if that’s the reason, then why didn’t they just compose the title in all caps, like the angry e-mails I occasionally receive from readers?

More recently, I noticed that the “official” rendering of the title starts with a lower-case “d” as in “donny!” That’s weird, I thought. The lower-case “d” would seem to diminish the emphasis on the one-word title that is implied by the exclamation point. Oh, well … TV producers -- go figure! 

Speaking of “Donny!,” I wonder what Donny Osmond is up to. And since I’m always thinking ahead to possible headlines for blog posts like this one, I was eager to learn while watching “Donny!” if any melees would break out on the show so that I could cleverly use the word “donnybrook” in a headline. No such luck, however.

During the first episode of “Donny!” -- the one airing Tuesday night (Nov. 10) at 10:30 Eastern on USA -- I began an inventory of famous people who turned up on the show. Gosh, I thought, Donny Deutsch sure has a lot of famous friends! There’s Katie Couric. I wonder if she’s happy working at Yahoo. And there’s Michael J. Fox. I wonder how he’s doing. Hey, there’s Hoda Kotb. I met her once and she was very nice. 

While watching next week’s second episode, I wrote this in my notes, referring to Donny: “Second episode in a row he has his shirt off.” I remember regretting that I hadn’t thought to count the number of times Donny had his shirt off in the first episode. Should I go back and watch it again? Nah.

I tried to keep up with this particular inventory in Episode Two, making notes four different times when Donny had his shirt off. Some of these occurrences involved scenes with Christie Brinkley. Gee, she’s taller than I thought, I said to myself during one scene in which she and Donny were shown walking side-by-side in Central Park (in this scene, Donny had his shirt on).

At one point, Donny mentions a restaurant called Elio’s. I wonder if he means the Elio’s here on the Upper East Side, over on Second Avenue. Does he really eat there? Every time I walk by and look in the window, all the customers seem to be over 80. I wonder if it’s any good. It looks expensive. Is that the kosher one? No, the kosher one is nearby, but it’s a different restaurant. 

Here’s a note I wrote while watching Episode Two, referring to Brinkley: “She won’t sleep with him because of his hairy crotch.” Alas, these are the kinds of notes a TV critic takes while watching TV shows these days.

This one was a note about the main storyline in the episode, which had to do with Donny neglecting to manscape below the waist, apparently a turnoff to Christie (if not others). “She gave me kind of a little subtle homework assignment to kind of clean things up a little bit down there,” says Donny after his date with Christie, in a conversation with the female producer of the fictional daytime talk show he hosts on the sitcom. I transcribed that quote verbatim since one never knows when such a quote might come in handy in a subsequent review or column. I guess it just did -- come in handy, I mean.

In one scene, Christie “orders” Donny to strip, according to my notes. Specifically, I wrote this: “The part where Christie orders him to strip is almost unwatchable.” 

The same could be said for the entirety of Episode Two of “Donny!,” but not necessarily for Episode One. In fact, just to be fair, after I was finished watching Episode One, I summed up my gut reaction to it in two words: “Nice job.” 

Episode Two? Not so much. 

“Donny!” premieres Tuesday (Nov. 10) at 10:30 p.m. Eastern on USA Network.