• by Adam Buckman , Featured Columnist, July 6, 2016

Inside the mind of Donald Trump, remote control in hand, as he watches TV …

I know I must be on here somewhere … click …

What’s this? A show about tiny houses? They’re too tiny, not good at all. Can’t fit ‘TRUMP’ on any one of them … They’re too small. Buying a house for under $50,000? These people must be poor … Mexicans probably took their jobs … click …

Oh, here’s the Yankee game. Who’s that batting? Alex Rodriguez? He used to be good, now he’s very, very bad. He’s a close friend of mine. Didn’t he live in one of my buildings once? Hmm … Rodriguez … What is that? Mexican? … click …

Ha! These guys on ‘Big Bang Theory’ make me laugh. They’re good. Very good. I wonder if they’re real scientists? Wonder what they think of global warming? It’s very bad -- if it exists. Probably doesn’t … click …

I don’t know what this TV Land channel is, but every time I see it, there’s George Lopez. Didn’t I play golf with him once? He’s a close friend of mine. Note for upcoming speech: How Mexican comedians are taking jobs away from American ones … click …

OK, here we go … Megyn Kelly … I wonder what she’s saying about me tonight. Wait a minute, she’s not talking about me at all. She’s bad, not very good at all. She obviously has a crush on me … click …

Let’s see what those losers at NBC are up to … This looks like ‘America’s Got Talent.’ America doesn’t have any talent now because of Obama. He has no talent. When I’m president, America will have talent again. This show isn’t as good as ‘The Apprentice.’ Arnold Schwarzenegger is a good friend of mine. He’ll do well on the show, but not as good as me. Has anyone else noticed he has an accent when he speaks? … click …

I like this Turner Classic Movie channel. Who’s that? Cary Grant? He should play me in a movie … Is he still living? Gotta find out … click …

What’s this? American Heroes Channel? When did this start? I’ve never heard of it. If it’s about American heroes, how come all the shows are about Hitler? If I become president, America will have heroes again. We don’t have any now because of Obama … click …

What’s with all these channels in Spanish? If I am elected president, all of TV will be in English … click …

This ‘Deadliest Catch’ has been on a long time. Doesn’t look very deadly to me. I like seafood … click … 

It’s getting late … wonder what the late-night guys are saying about me … Conan’s making fun of me. He’s very, very bad. And anyway, NBC dropped him. They fired me, then had me back on ‘SNL.’ Not Conan. He’s not amazing. I don’t get this Colbert guy. I wonder what Letterman’s up to? Jimmy Fallon’s nice to me. I like him. He’s a close friend of mine. Not like Bill Maher. He’s bad. Very, very bad. Whatever happened to Chelsea Handler? She was good-looking. Probably had a crush on me … click …   

Getting late, feeling sleepy. Oops! There’s George Lopez again. I wonder if he’d like to be vice president? [Zzzzz]