Agency Introduces Brand New (Ahem...Done Before by Every Agency on the Planet) Growth Model

New Haven-based agency GEM has just introduced what they are calling the Growth Experience Model. Get it? Growth Experience Model ...GEM...just like the name of the agency? Witty, right? But wait. What's even more witty is this new GEM thingamajig is supposed to help clients "clear away the ad clutter" and become, yaaaaas, a "unicorn brand!" Way to steal the start-up lingo, GEM! 

So what's this Growth Experience Model all about? Well it's totally new, you see. It's all about authenticity and experience, two things, you know, that have never ever before been addressed by any agency or marketing entity in the history of mankind!  

According to the press release, the creation of GEM was based on scientifically deduced insight that authentic brand experiences make the most impactful communications strategies. Yeah, because before lying to consumers worked so well, right? Hmm, maybe they're on to something. Oh wait, every other agency and marketing entity has been on to this for, oh, 20 years or so. 



The release then drones on about some three phase crap that boils down to vision, position and execution. Yeah, no one’s ever proposed a model like that before! 

Of this brilliance, GEM Chief Strategy Officer Peter Kozody said, "In the creative realm of communications and marketing, it's easy for marketing teams to get lost in innovative ideas and engaging content. But, at the end of the day, the role of marketing is to drive results. Through a systematic process of data mining, insight development and integrated execution, the Growth Experience Model achieves measurable results for midsize to enterprise clients in a diverse set of industries, making it a valuable return on investment for brands with growth potential." 

Mike drop.

Wow, that's some leading edge thinking, people! 

But, apparently, all this buzzword bullshit actually works. At least according to the agency which claims its GEM model helped its client, Northwest Connecticut Sinus Center, rebrand to CT Sinus Center, launch a social campaign which grew followers from zero to 21,000 increasing their social presence 173 percent, increased website traffic 1,000 percent and patient count by 56 percent...all within three months. 

Isn't it amazing what a few rehashed buzzwords can do for an agency?

1 comment about "Agency Introduces Brand New (Ahem...Done Before by Every Agency on the Planet) Growth Model ".
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  1. Mitch Dunn from Empower MediaMarketing, August 26, 2016 at 9:24 a.m.

    Hey Dick. If this is the future of MediaPost content, tearing down agencies based on Buzzword Bingo, please let us know now so we can all stop reading, logging in, subscribing, and/or sharing.

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