• by Wayne Langley , May 22, 2017

Recently, I was speaking with a client about the issue of subtle ageism in adult marketing. She was particularly fascinated by the reactions that people had when they learned of her father’s passing. The first question nearly everyone asked was, “How old was he?” Her response was brilliant: “Why does it matter?”

Without realizing, these people were playing into subtle ageism by asking this question, which makes the assumption that, if a person is of advanced age, death is acceptable; whereas, if the person were younger, the death would be more tragic. The reality is that death of any kind is painful, regardless of the age. The interesting question is, “When does someone become old?” Is 60 too young to die? 65? 70? At what age does it become acceptable for someone to pass? At what age does it become appropriate for us to treat someone differently? This kind of query is at the heart of the ageism issue.

One American ritual of aging is the AARP card. The American Association of Retired Persons is an expert at engaging and mobilizing older adults. But the age at which you first receive an offer to join is often much younger than expected. At 50, a person can become a member! For the last several decades, becoming an AARP member has symbolized the transition from adult to retiree.

However, when you can become a member at 50, what does that say about our culture? On one hand, it breaks the mold and helps fight against ageism, recognizing that people from the ages of 50 to 90 may experience the same problems and need the same protection. On the other hand, it can reinforce ageist tendencies, as 50 year olds toss the membership invitation into the trash, proclaiming, “AARP is for old people, not me!”

Since we were children, we have been told to “act our age.” Then, at some point in life, this phrase stopped becoming an admonishment to grow up and instead took on overtones of slowing down. Asbury Communities, in Maryland, recognized this trend and has developed a new media campaign titled #ActYourAge. The campaign posits the question, “What’s age got to do with it?” Then, via social media, it shares examples of older adults who continue to pursue their passions and contribute to society and, in some cases, engage in activities mostly associated with younger people. By defying the stereotypes associated with aging, they hope to make people more aware of how subtle ageism occurs in our everyday life.

As a marketing professional, representing products aimed at Boomers and seniors, understanding how your tactics may be perceived is important. A great tool for examining this is called the “Hidden Bias Test.” If you are concerned that your language may be ageist, just replace the ageist remark with something gender- or race-related. 

For example, let’s say you are cashing out customers at a restaurant that offers a senior citizen discount. Normally, you say, “If I may ask, how old are you? I’d like to apply our senior’s discount if you qualify.” 

Now, let’s replace the ageist words with racial ones. 

“If I may ask, how Hispanic are you? I’d like to give you our Latino discount if you qualify.” 

Obviously, you would never say the latter to any customer, but the issues are generally the same. Discriminating based upon age, even for good intentions, subtly reinforces the idea that being of advanced years changes your value to society. A senior discount seems like a nice gesture to honor the elderly, right? But, on the other hand, isn’t it implying that because someone is old, he or she is probably poor and can’t afford to pay full price? It all depends on one’s perception of the situation, which you can’t always judge in your customers.

Our words have power. We learn this on the schoolyard the first time someone points out something that makes us different, hurting our feelings. When we age, we become immune to the trivial slights of everyday life, including those that reference our age. The only way this changes in our culture is if we take steps, every day, to modify our behavior and influence the behavior of others.