• by Adam Buckman , Featured Columnist, April 3, 2024

“Tumor” rhymes with “humor,” but there is nothing funny about the suffering of the patients seen on TLC’s new real-life medical series “Take My Tumor.”

Comedic? Of course not. Nevertheless, the title does remind me of the old Henny Youngman joke, “Take my wife … please!” 

I am glad no one titled this show in the same way, “Take My Tumor … Please!,” because it would not be appropriate in reference to patients like Arlin (no last name provided), seen in the photo above with a serious growth on the back of his head and neck.

“The enormous mass on the back of Arlin’s neck and head constantly oozes fluid, but surgery may prove to be too challenging,” says a logline for the episode scheduled to air May 8 titled “The Man With the Spicy Tumor.”

The meaning of the word “spicy” in this context eludes me, but perhaps it is explained in the episode.

In the photo, Arlin is seen in consultation with Ryan F. Osborne M.D., director of Head and Neck Surgery at the Osborne Head and Neck Institute in Los Angeles.

Dr. Osborne is one of three surgeons on the show. The others are Kimberly Moore Dalal M.D., a surgical oncologist in Burlingame, California, and Jason Cohen M.D., surgical oncologist and general surgeon in Beverly Hills.

Over the years, writing about these kinds of shows has been challenging. They are not my cup of tea, you might say, but TLC has put them on, one after the other, for many years.

It stands to reason that the shows must be achieving the goals in viewership and ad revenue that TLC has set out for them. Otherwise, they wouldn’t continue making them, right?

“Take My Tumor” is produced for TLC by Ping Pong Productions, which also produces another TLC show that shares some similarities with it, “Dr. Pimple Popper.”

The star of that show is a dermatologist, Sandra Lee M.D., who does a lot more than pop pimples. 

Like the doctors on “Take My Tumor,” she is most often seen dealing with very serious, extensive skin conditions such as rashes and extremely large growths.

These shows can be difficult to watch. No offense to the patients suffering in the spotlight, but seeing people with bloated, life-threatening appendages attached to them is not for everybody.

Neither is the surgery that the doctors perform to remove them. One show that has long trafficked in graphic depictions of surgery is TLCS’s “My 600-lb Life,” where morbidly obese patients undergo bariatric surgery.

On Wednesday, “My 600-lb Life” will serve as a lead-in to “Take My Tumor,” making for three hours of prime time that is uniquely TLC.

In the premiere of “Take My Tumor,” we will meet a woman, Trinidadian Charmaine, who “suffers from one of the most extreme cases of neurofibromatosis ever recorded,” says TLC.

“Tumors cover every inch of her body and obstruct her ability to breathe and swallow. Without surgery, these growing tumors threaten her life.”

Future episodes of “Take My Tumor” include “The Woman with A Tumor Half Her Height,” “The Man with the Hanging Face Tumor” and “The Woman with a Tumor for a Stomach.”

“Take My Tumor” premieres Wednesday, April 3, at 10 p.m. Eastern on TLC.