• by Wayne Friedman , Staff Writer, November 3, 2006

A man in a suburban New York gym was thrown out because of grunting. Screaming isn't allowed either in the gym. The facility, however, doesn't have a problem with whining or panting, apparently.

Television executives seemingly don't grunt--but maybe they should. When things don't go their way, we don't hear from them much. Not much whining, either. We do hear some panting from time to time, as they move quickly from meeting to meeting.

Some TV executives might be whining that they aren't getting paid for DVR viewership. Some media advertising executives may be whining that commercial ratings aren't becoming the industry standard soon enough. That's not strong enough.

To solve all this, I suggest an earthy grunt. Grunting like a bodybuilder would be better, and put a definitive stamp on things. Les Moonves, chief executive of CBS, almost elicited a grunt yesterday when he spoke about DVR viewership, which he says his network should get paid for. For the most part, however, he was proud as a peacock that CBS Corp.'s third quarter earning results did well--though Wall Street analysts may differ.

Moonves was crowing that Super Bowl advertising sales are moving along nicely, and that, despite "The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric" dropping back into third place, the show is getting better ratings than a year before. There are also more advertising dollars in CBS' news coffers.

Television executives are usually a hammy lot, taking any cue from the comic talent they manage. But we don't feel their real wit when they're depressed about their development season, or upset about consumer product advertisers looking for cheap advertising, or despondent over their lack of energy from their media agency. A wordless, deep-seated expulsion of air will do the trick.

Grunt, and everyone will go home happy--and with thinner stomachs. Save on your gym membership.