There was lots of news this week, so let's skip the traditional "we're all one big, annoyingly happy family as we lob humorous asides and happy talk across the set," and for a rare and refreshing
change, get right to the news:
Something called the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation says that because television is able to distract the body from the sensory
pleasures of food as well as the feeling of being full, watching entertaining television causes people to eat more. This conclusion followed a test that offered subjects potato chips in a room first
without, and then with, a TV. Folks are said to have consumed 44% more chips in front of the TV versus without. This may also explain why, once you start a pint of Häagen-Dazs, you are morally
obligated to finish it. In a landmark case testing the limits of place-based media, Perry Caravello, a man who has made some questionable choices in his life, is suing Johnny Knoxville, Jimmy
Kimmel and Adam Corolla for not paying Caravello after he stuck his penis in a mousetrap to promote the DVD release of the 2003 TV movie "Windy City Heat." "Plaintiff agreed to [stick his penis
in a mousetrap], and, much to his... physical harm, was severely injured when the trap literally went (off) on his manhood," the suit contends. Caravello is seeking a total of $10.5 million in
damages. You will want to stay close to this case so that you can understand how they calculate the total audience reach for your brand on a mousetrap hung off a penis.
The FBI has charged
Jorge Romero with copyright violations for allegedly uploading several episodes of Fox's "24" on the Internet before the show's season premiere earlier this year. The episodes appeared online more
than a week before their television debuts on Jan. 14 and 15. Romero says he pulled the shows off the Web and simply uploaded them to another site. Romero was charged with one felony count of
uploading copyrighted material to a publicly accessible computer network knowing the work was intended for commercial distribution--a charge that could put the 24-year-old behind bars for three years.
And people still wonder why the Bancrofts don't just take the money and run. Providing new evidence that those protracted creative arguments over ad copy are a pointless waste of time, an IT
security expert in Helsinki used Google's AdWords to run banners offering "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" More than 400 people clicked on the ad that offered to download a computer
virus during the six-month advertising campaign. Christopher Woods of New York filed a lawsuit against Novartis Consumer Health Inc. claiming its health drink Boost Plus gave him an erection
that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized. The standard medical protocol for resolving severe priapism--showing victims nude photos of Rosie O'Donnell--apparently failed, and Mr. Woods'
wood could only be undone by surgery. Meanwhile, the Novartis marketing department has been behind closed doors working 24/7 on a secret new product launch.
The story you have just read is an attempt to blend fact and fiction in a manner that provokes thought, and on a good day, merriment. It would be ill-advised to take any of it literally. Take
it, rather, with the same humor with which it is intended. Cut and paste or link to it at your own peril. 
