• by John Capone , June 23, 2008

Mark Twain once quipped, "When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear." When longtime WNBC news anchor Sue Simmons dropped her F-bomb on poor Chuck Scarborough, she maybe should have chosen counting.

Afterward everyone did their usual things: Blogs salaciously posted the clip, The New York Times sermonized and the New York Post printed libelous accusations. (Ever the intrepid investigators, Post reporters tracked down Upper West Side waiters who admitted to having once served Simmons drinks.) Simmons may not have been drunk, but the 64-year-old might wish she'd been. For God's sake, the woman immediately apologized sort of sincerely. The mea culpa was prompted by angry calls to the station from people outraged over the gaffe. She did not, however, say sorry to Chuck. As offensive and vulgar as the word Simmons uttered is, it's still hard to picture the scores of indignant New Yorkers so incensed over the cochlear violation they needed to look up a number, wait to get through then wait on hold to voice a complaint.

The places of Mamet, Tarantino and the Cohen Brothers as bards of profanity are surely safe from Simmons, but it might have been the ease with which the veteran anchor tossed off the expletive that most shocked people. The slip came during a live tease for the local 11 o'clock news during the NBC show Medium. The outcry could have been worse if, say, anyone under the age of 40 watched Medium (or the nightly news for that matter).

Public profanity is one thing - the guy who can't wait in line for coffee without interjecting vulgarities every three words should apologize. Maybe the recoil when a public figure fires one off is some form of people being fed up with that potty mouth in line and lashing out. Or maybe people like to be offended.

And coffee place Starbucks has had its own share of underestimating the average American's capacity for self-righteous indignation. The original shop featured a topless mermaid with exposed breasts, and in an effort to soften its image the chain has brought back the old Pike Place icon, but with some alterations. When it first revived the bawdy babe in a 2006 anniversary promotion, customers voiced concern. A team of designers toyed with her nipples for quite some time before arriving at a safer siren with longer hair and a Barbie chest. Barring any wardrobe malfunctions (though the logo seems to invite all manner of Sharpie modification), the public is safe. Anyhow, that is not subversive. Miley Cyrus's back is, apparently. Those who found a cartoon of an unclad sea creature salacious were especially turned on by the naked back and shoulders of a 15 year old.

NYC, long the capital of the F-word, is developing a peevish Puritanism. Recently a city hack was suspended and fined $1,000 for screaming profanities out his window at another cabbie. Can you imagine NYC without irate drivers cursing their brains out at one another? Why, it'd be like Times Square without all the seedy porn. Oh, wait.