• by Adam Buckman , Featured Columnist, December 29, 2023

For the millions who are either not invited to New Year’s Eve parties or would not go to one even if they were, TV throws a party every year.

This year, all the hollering and hoopla will be seen on at least three networks -- ABC, CBS and CNN. These three have been doing this for years.

For those who choose to watch these multi-hour specials all evening -- or perhaps check in and out of them -- the whole thing has a delirious air.

Then, as soon as the countdown to the new year is over, and the throngs in Times Square (ABC and CNN) and Nashville (CBS) have exhausted their last breaths screaming and blowing horns amid blizzards of confetti, abruptly it all ends.

In New York on the later-than-normal newscasts, one of the stories we look forward to each year following the celebration in Times Square is the phenomenon of the clean-up.

This involves an army of sanitation workers manning street cleaners and push brooms in a rite of New Year’s Eve that has been honed to precision over many decades.

In about an hour, give or take, the Times Square area is virtually spotless, which is no mean feat after so many people have stood there for something like eight hours trashing the place.

How many people? Well, millions, of course, insist the local newsies and the promoters of the Times Square shows.

This is where my journalistic skepticism kicks in. How many millions? One million, they might say. Or even two million.

Never is the number somewhere in-between -- say, 1-1/2 million or 2-1/4 million. To be candid, I think they make this stuff up.

In the TV specials, Times Square is always positioned as the world capital of New Year’s Eve celebrations. 

At the same time, TV on New Year’s Eve shows us the fireworks displays and celebrations from other cities around the world where the new year starts sooner. Those seem pretty good too.

Security is always tight around Times Square on New Year’s Eve, with police posted at all access points.

This year, it is believed that protesters of the Israel-Hamas War will try to march en masse on Times Square.

Hopefully out of harm’s way, Ryan Seacrest (photo above) will be perched on a platform above the fray hosting “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest 2024” on ABC. 

At 10 words, this show’s title would be the longest in the current universe of all TV if it were not for CNN’s own New Year’s Eve efforts.

Also in Times Square, originating from atop another platform, will be CNN’s “New Year’s Eve Live With Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen 2024.” Eleven words!

As always, these shows will have an array of guests. The Seacrest show’s guests will include LL Cool J performing in Times Square.

Entertainers reportedly set to enliven the Anderson Cooper/Andy Cohen show include Flo Rida and Rod Stewart. It was unclear if they will be performing in Times Square, or beamed in from elsewhere.

Meanwhile, the live New Year’s Eve celebration on CBS will originate from Nashville. This show’s title clocks in at a paltry seven words, “New Year’s Eve Live: Nashville’s Big Bash.”

Since Nashville is in the central time zone, this show will mark the arrival of the new year at two different times --11 p.m. Central (midnight Eastern) and midnight Central.

Apparently, Nashville rings in the new year at midnight (central time) with a “Music Note Drop” (fashioned presumably after the famous ball drop in Times Square) at Nashville’s Bicentennial Mall State Park.

Scheduled guest performers at the Nashville show will include Trombone Shorty and Bailey Zimmerman.

For its part, NBC is shrewdly going with “Sunday Night Football” on New Year’s Eve -- the Packers vs. the Vikings, two teams with losing records. Despite that, the game will almost certainly outscore the celebrations on the other channels.

That’s about it for 2023. Have a happy new year and thank you for reading.