Just An Online Minute... Celebrity Stalking at the 8th Annual Designing Hollywood Awards

The 8th Annual Designing Hollywood Awards, Time-Life Building
Monday May 19, 2008

EdBurns EdBurns EdBurns EdBurns EdBurns EdBurns EdBurns. Sorry, I had to get that out. Last night at the 8th Annual Designing Hollywood Awards (co-presented by Variety and New York Women in Film and Television), I had the pleasure of meeting not one, not two, not three, but skads of quirky, creative, and talented people. One of them happened to be Marjorie Nezin, a designer with sleeves made of window screen mesh. Two of them happened to be Ed Burns and Bebe Neuwirth, who are both a sizzling concoction of sexy and normalness. Let's get on with the show!

The Time&Life security staff are serious about your safety. Which could be why they had one security guard checking the hauty crowd for shanks, creating a birth canal backup of warbling fashionistas. "I feel like when the elevator opens we should at least be transported to Heathrow after that," muttered Gail Hilton, vice president of Blue Outdoor. Empathetic chortles erupted. After checking my coat and bag (and pen, damnit) I slithered into a room of champagne-sucking costume designers, art directors, hair and makeup gals, and interns in transition. All there to make connections and self-promote. And you thought partying was

After guzzling four flutes of the bubbly stuff (come on! They were tiny flutes!) I was cattle prodded into the auditorium, where three amazing women were forced to perch on director's chairs (not very skirt-friendly) onstage. I, and I think the audience, was captivated by the group's tales. Please have Colleen Callaghan to come to my home and weave her stories around me the way she weaved Howard Stern's hair. And based on her love of bringing out the darkness in people and celebrating silence, I might want Patricia Regan to just meet me out back and hit me. The highlight of the presentation was when Catherine Marie Thomas thought she'd brought the house down with an anecdote about Pierce Brosnan, when in reality everyone was laughing at photo of him strolling across a hotel foyer in his black banana hammock and boots. "He just wouldn't take those boots off," she smiled, now aware of the photo.

While everyone wanted a piece of Ed Burns, I gotta say the real star of the show was Michele Marsh. She oozed warmth and sincerity from the podium while she jabbed herself for suffering from helmet head before Colleen Callaghan came into her life. "Finally I could concentrate on reporting water main breaks and breaking news because I knew my hair was alright," she hooted.

Can we talk about hors d'oeuvres please? Tiny grilled cheeses all oozy and crispy, minature triangular toast with some sort of wasabi aoli, smoked salmon, and glossy balls of caviar, and little cups of chicken disaster. The wine was flowing and bartenders were not accepting tips. And Ed Burns, wherever you are, you capped the night off nicely with a phrase I shall utter to anyone willing to hear it: "Are you always like Ellen Page?" At first I thought he meant Ellen Barkin, but then I realized he meant that little thing from "Juno."

So Ed Burns thinks I'm either sarcastically spunky or sexually ambiguous.

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Check out the full set of photos in the Flickr set!

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