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Just An Online Minute... Quest for Colicchio at Chefs' Night Out

I love food. I love watching people wield knives like magicians, and I want to hug Tom Colicchio. Which means that when I got the invitation to Chefs' Night Out (the big party thrown by Bon Appetit and others before the official James Beard Award ceremony), I put my homemade duck l'orange on hold and slipped out the door like a little neck clam down the throat of a Hampton's housewife.

I was late. Not super late. More like "I went the wrong way down 47th Street" late. All that walking around enhanced my newly blossoming permanent blisters (they'll be calluses soon, right?) on my soles due to never wearing comfy shoes to events. A girl's gotta look cute, man. I limped over the narrow fluffy red carpet and bounced into the Edison Ballroom. It was already past 10 p.m. and the place was lightly sprinkled with people.

The first couple of glittery girls (not pictured) I approached rejected my lens, which is rarely a good start to the evening. I'm good with Photoshop and all, but it's not like I'm going to go home and Photoshop your heads onto a naked Lindsay Lohan emerging from the butt of a stuffed turkey. Who has time for that? I stalked off, trying not to pout, and continued my search for that beautiful bald man, Tom Colicchio -- overall nice guy and warm-hearted, gently honest "Top Chef" judge. I couldn't find him.

I did find Gail Simmons, who posed with a friend and remained tight-lipped about who might win "Top Chef." I'm rooting for Stephanie. She just seems like a good person. I also ran into Kerry Heffernan, super-tall chef at South Gate. While balancing a Platino Margerita in one hand, a tiny pork something or other arepa (we called it fancy bacon) in the other, and my camera in my other, I snapped a horrible photo. The stupid manual focus decided to settle behind Kerry and his friend instead of on Kerry and his friend.

I stuffed my face with bacon-wrapped shrimp, lamb rolled up in a crispy crust, melty-soft cheese arepas, and sweaty handfuls of coffee éclairs. I must have been eating my feelings because STILL no Colicchio! It's called Chefs' Night Out to let the hardworking, sweating, covered-in-burn-blisters feeders-of-us cut loose, enjoy wonderful food that they didn't have to cook, and slurp up some free refreshers-- but I couldn't find any. And then I remembered. My friend Danny is a chef over at Franny's in Brookyn and for as long as I've known him -- on a Friday night, the kid has never gotten out of work before 11. Mystery of the missing chefs solved.

They came dripping in like sauce anglaise as the dance floor went nuts to every wedding tune that would make your granny shake a tailfeather. Although, I don't know how I'd feel about watching her "get low."

Oh, and Tom Colicchio, you've been replaced. Lee Jones , an overall-wearing, red-bowtie-sporting, adorable farmer from my home state of Ohio, and the man in charge of The Chef's Garden -- supplier of gourmet veggies to chef superstars -- was more than accessible for a little buckeye banter (Cedar Point and tornadoes) and a picture or two. He said they throw a mean wine and cheese party every year over in Huron and, work-related or not, I plan on going.

Want to get your party people dancing all silly-like and have it covered in Just An Online Minute? Send invitations to kelly@mediapost.com

Check out all the foodie photos on Flickr!

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