Look no further than Swaggerizeme.com
, a Web site created by Wieden+Kennedy Portland on behalf of Old Spice Swagger.
The microsite allows
users to create fake online articles "that make you look awesomely awesome."
Creating the flattering posts is the easy part; getting someone to search for you online is the bigger
The "Swaggerize Me" site begins with a suave spokesman (think Billy Dee Williams) who wants to transform ordinary men, unfamiliar with Old Spice Swagger, into men who yield
pages and pages of results when searched for online.
The spokesman barks motivational snippets like,
"now's your chance to be awesome like me, don't waste it," while users customize their online swagger on a scale of one to ten, via five knobs: goodlookingness, golden heartedness, strongliness,
celebrityhood and genuismanship.
Users then add their first and last name, zip code, gender, FaceBook address and photo. Interestingly enough, if you choose female as your gender, an error
message appears stating that the site is meant for males only. Moving on...
I then received an email from Swagger saying, "Thanks for giving me some info. You're one click away from
inventing healing vaccines and flying stealth helicopters."
Once the link was clicked and my information verified, I was brought to a site where links to Bookworm Farm Booksellers and
Journal Of Modern Astrophysics awaited me.
The Bookworm Farm Booksellers posts a summarized brief
of a book written by the testosterone-version of myself.
"Crammed with bleak humor and deepest drama, the main character, Brian Sinners, meets a bartender who leads him on a path of
discovery. Lines start to blur between suspect and innocent and good and bad. This book has an unforgettable ending to top it off."
Users who try to purchase the book are brought back to
The Journal of Astrophysicists is also flattering, saying that I "quickly responded to the thesis on the numerical analysis of a galaxy evolution, saying it is easy to
sustain through the Hubble telescope." I think my eyes just glazed over.
For those of you looking for a vanity search pick-me-up, though, you know where to go.