• by Kelly Samardak , January 4, 2010

2010: A Party Odyssey, New York

This might be your first day back at the wheel after a lengthy break. For others, you're just banging your head on your desk every time someone announces how hard it is to be back, when you were never gone. For those returning, your inbox, if you've thwarted your fear of opening it, is probably burning your corneas with unread highlighting. The coffee mug you forgot to clean before blowing out of the office for almost two weeks sits angrily, a syrup formed like pudding skin on the bottom. I'm resisting the clichéd "10 ways to BLAH your BLAH in 2010," but the pull is too strong. Can't. ..Resist... I caved. I'd like to welcome myself back to you with "10 Steps To Help You Avoid a 2009 Repeat, Just An Online Minute Style (AKA socially, in the old school cocktail party sense, networking.)"

10: Wake up. I know, this one is so basic, yet so difficult. I promise if you wake up every day in 2010 and get to work before 3:00 p.m., your coworkers will respect you more and your boss will stop using your badge photo as the victim during team hangman.

9: That's not your deodorant. I'm not saying this happened to someone close to me(or me), but I guarantee if you don't pilfer emergency deodorant that is not your own, karma will go a little easier on your pitting-in-public situation.

8: Stick around for the answer. Great, you've taken "Speaking With Humans 101" and you passed the "ask people about themselves" section with flying colors. Problem is, you black out when your networking victim starts to respond. You're not alone for I too have done this, usually at the tail end of events where my face hurts from smiling and I've run out of clever ways to say "smile for the camera!" This has happened to me, and it sucks seeing that glaze slick over the eyes as I answer the "so what do you do?" question. This year in networking, let's just avoid engaging when we're just not that into it. 

7: Can we stop saying people "don't get it" if they simply don't enjoy a new online tool or network, mobile device, analog bean counter? "Well Chauncey doesn't it get it" seems defensive. Awareness of the [whatever you're in] industry landscape is obviously necessary, but OMG EXCITEMENT AND PASSIONATE USE!! of everything? Embrace reality! Or augmented reality! Or whatever the gerbils in your head say is real! 

6: I can see two of you! If you were running the same party circuit I did, then I know you were tempted with the open bar more than once. In this jerkface economy, when "free" is thrust in front of you, granny croaks in your ear "never look a gift horse in the mouth or it will break into your basement and steal your croquet set while you sleep!" Just this once, ignore granny. Over-imbibing every night makes for a foggy, baby-owl-sleepover-in-the-mouth week and you know it. Remember that industry happy hour when you "walked" (think Frankenstein after the Kingda Ka) home, telling yourself you slayed 'em based on expressions of awe? Yeah, they were in awe that you weren't kissing marble and perplexed that you were unaware of the jumbo shrimp stuck to the side of your head like a Bluetooth headset. I think you get me.

5: Wait, what did you say? If you've asked aloud or you feverishly struggle to bubble up what that guy just said to you, your face was buried in your Blackberry, iPhone, Droid, pager (911 143!). You'll have more genuine network contacts and less neck pain if you raise your head and interact fully with the people around you. 

4: Want some eyes with that shake? Great, you've got your sensitive He-Man style grip down to a science: Go in strong and near crushing, finish up soft and understanding, possibly placing the non-shaking hand over the hand of that being shaken. But if you're not making eye contact -- say, strongly glancing to the right, left or ANYWHERE but the other person's eyes, He-Man becomes more like The Watchmen's Rorschach. 

3: WORK IT. Push beer pongin' Becky into the pool. These open bars and pastry wrapped food fests aren't to feed the upper crust of the economically molested, they're to expose the hosts and their subjects to YOU for their own goals, but also, an opportunity for you to smoke out potential mentors, advisors, future big bosses, or people you want to get on your own payroll. Stop wasting time, make it work, or stay home. I'm watching you.

2: Hey, I know you! That's right, recognize the mistakes you made and learn from them. Repeating past mistakes like friend requesting someone on Facebook over and over when they haven't responded, and then emailing and @replying to them on Twitter, won't create a stronger network for you, it will create a network of people with restraining orders against you.

1: Don't use the time machine. Probably the simplest, most overlooked step, but by far the most important. I can give you my word, my 100% assurance that you will not repeat 2009 if you keep out of the time machine. Test me.

If you missed out on the final holiday parties because you were already checked out - you can find the roll up on the jaolm home page!

Send those 2010 invitations to kelly@mediapost.com!