• by John Capone , July 30, 2010

One of the things people seem to love about smartphone apps is how they can use them to replace other tools and everyday items. These range from the inane (Zippo lighters and light sabers) to the semi-useful (tazers and flashlights) to the pretty useful (levels and GPS speedometers) to the insanely useful (Guinness finder).

Today Shape Services released its updated Mobiola Headset, an app that turns your phone and earbuds into a wireless headset that can be used with Skype and VOIP services. The update makes the $1.99 app compatible with Mac OS (which seems sort of like a no-brainer).

One reviewer of the app on iTunes (who goes by the name pfftt and gave the app five stars under the heading "Nice") said: "I love how the iPhone is eliminating the need for more and more things everyday." And doesn't everybody love that? We certainly do. So we set to work on what we do best here at MPHQ: namely dreaming up the fatuous and fictitious ideas that might just be the keys to happiness.

To wit, our list of apps we'd like to see:

iChapeau
Wear a different fun and fashionable hat every day -- a tiny, little hat, but a hat nonetheless.

Big Brother Alert
Sounds a warning alarm every time Apple files a creepy patent, like say an attempt to patent the framework for the mobile Web. Says something like "Warning: Apple may now own your soul," and directs you to the patent in question.

iQ
This app makes the user appear smarter. And in the iPhone user's eyes this probably just means using an iPhone. So this app calls attention to the fact that the bearer has an iPhone.

Lobster Cracker
Replaces an essentially useless tool, a lobster cracker, with detailed instructions on how to crack a lobster with your bare hands, the way Chuck Norris would and all men should. And, if this method doesn't work, of course, you can always smash a claw with your phone.

"Phone"
Actually makes an iPhone a workable voice telecommunication device. Pure fantasy, of course.