• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, December 9, 2011

Among my daily "must reads" is a little ad and research newsletter edited by a couple of women who, as nearly as I can tell, live in New Zealand, or some such last outlying remnant of the English Empire. In fact I think they often still refer to the U.S. as "the rebellious colonies." But it is only in Biz Reports that will you find gems such as this one:

When Kelkoo [apparently an international shopping search engine] asked 4,200 British shoppers if they had ever attempted to purchase items online while drunk nearly half (43%) said yes, they had. Over a third (39%) admitted that they will be inebriated while buying items online at some point during the holiday season. Assuming they were sufficiently compos mentis to enter a correct card number and address, some (4%) only found out about the drunken deed when the item turned up in the mail.

Over half remember shopping online the morning after, found Kelkoo's survey, but for 19% it took another day before their drunken act dawned on them. Seven percent had to be told by friends or family what they had done.

The survey also revealed just how much inhibitions are affected by alcohol. More than half of online shoppers spent more if they were under the influence. Furthermore, judging by the times most drunken shopping sessions take place, between 11pm and 1am, they have likely had a skinful. One in five night owls make purchases up to 5am.

While inebriated shoppers may be good news for online retailers, with a forecast $3 billion worth of unintentional purchases being made this Christmas alone.

A $3 billion market is nothing to ignore -- even if the purchases are "unintentional." It seems this opens a whole new category of ad targeting: "Shitfaced with Money." But it may be difficult to profile potential members of the segment, which must certainly be done in real time since sobriety (at least most of the time ) inevitably sets in. Moreover, it is difficult to characterize a gin-driven intent action as different from one of those legendary sober judges. Perhaps a series of call-to-action ad units could be created by Scotch- and bourbon-fueled mad men to help ID who is OUI.

"Did you hear the one about the three rabbis who walked into a bar... (click here)

"Down to just two fingers left in the bottle?" (click here)

"Mid-thirties, Wall Street trader worth millions, in triathlon shape, eats only organic, model good-looks, seeks companion to slather with affection and gifts" (click here) 

Ten Ways to Beat a Sobriety Checkpoint (click here)

"Get Laid in the Next Two Hours. Guaranteed. (click here)

Anonymous Hate Mail to Your Boss. $24 a letter. Proven ability to send blood pressure to cardiac-event levels (click here)

25 Bars Within 10 Blocks That Will be Open When Yours Closes (click here)

Complete All Spousal Holiday (formerly known as Christmas) Shopping in 12 clicks. Wrapped for under-tree placement. (click here)

Friend [insert alcoholic brand] and we will deliver a case to you for free. (click here

FREE!!! (click here) 

Next AA meeting in your neighborhood (click here - please).