'Missing' In Action: Trump Wants To Meet Me For Breakfast

Oh, I just feel so special right now!

Just checked my email -- and what did I find but a missive from

Apparently, the 24-7-Campaigner-In-Chief noticed my name “was MISSING” from the list of “patriots” who have entered to win breakfast with him in New York City sometime soon.

That’s right folks, MISSING.

I’m talking about an email sent to Mediapsssst. You know, the column that I write for MAD. It's from Trump’s reelection team.

Seems the president thinks my first name is Coy. And he is very concerned that I haven’t signed up for the breakfast yet.

The team even sent a copy of an email from Trump himself. “Is Coy on the list yet? I really want to get their opinion on my 2020 Campaign Strategy over breakfast.”

Their opinion? OK, so the president thinks my first name is Coy and that I have multiple personalities — and he wants all of their opinions.

Well, Mr. President, here’s what we think: Resign immediately.

And we say that as patriots, believing it really would be best for the country. Let’s just get this long national nightmare over.



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