• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, January 9, 2009

A year ago, I wrote a column called "Trends to Watch in 2008" (not really, but everyone else did). Today, I'd think it only fair that we review how well or poorly I did at foreseeing what actually transpired last year.

Last year, I wrote that "the economy will sink like a stone once it appears that lenders are overextended on toxic loans and something called derivatives. A major investment house will go under and another will be uncovered as a giant Ponzi scheme. The market will lose trillions in value and wipe out a lot of savings. The government will have to pony up about $700 billion to try and restore confidence. Everyone will finally start using the R word."

Some hits and some misses with this one. First of all, it didn't happen during Spring Break as I predicted. And I apologize to Citibank for calling its investment strategy a Ponzi scheme (although the sun has yet to set on that prediction). A special-shout out to the Securities and Exchange Commission for making everything else come true.

Last year, I wrote that "Newspapers will stage a massive fiscal comeback as they start to offer front-page advertisements and start sprinkling in photos of locals caught topless on vacation beaches."

They got the wrong part right.

Last year, I wrote that "Steven Ballmer and Jerry Yang will merge their companies to fend off the growing might of Google in the ad marketplace."

It appears that Yang never learned to play well with others. I have recommended to the principal that he be sent to the library to bone up on business management and Diplomacy 101 instead of enjoying recess with his classmates.

Last year, I wrote that "this will be the breakthrough year for mobile advertising." I didn't believe it then, don't believe it now and won't believe it next year either.

Last year, I wrote that "in mid-race, a presidential candidate will be forced to admit to an affair with a former campaign worker and face political ruin."

This was like shooting fish in a barrel. With 25 guys in the race, you knew that one of them would get caught -- since they all are guilty, anyway.

Last year, I wrote that "this will finally be the year that AOL consolidates its acquisitions and Platform A becomes a player in the online ad world."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

Last year, I wrote that "a hard-charging governor whose political future seemed limitless would get nailed meeting with a $1,000-an-hour call girl named Ashley Alexandra Dupré and patronizing her high-priced prostitution ring multiple times."

Apologies to Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich of Illinois, who was too busy conspiring to profit from his authority to appoint President-elect Barack Obama's successor in the United States Senate, to get laid.

Last year, I wrote that "this year, the right person will get the right message at the right time."

Eventually.

The story you have just read is an attempt to blend fact and fiction in a manner that provokes thought, and on a good day, merriment. It would be ill-advised to take any of it literally. Take it, rather, with the same humor with which it is intended. Cut and paste or link to it at your own peril.