• by Kelly Samardak , April 9, 2010

Discovery Upfront, Frederick P. Rose Hal, New York
April 8, 2010

I walked into the Frederick P. Rose Hall, grabbed my press packet and headed to the front of the room, feeling pretty special to see that the press corral was right behind the roped-off seats "reserved for friends of Oprah Winfrey." Yep, that was Gayle King sitting three rows up. As I squeezed into my seat next to a Fox Networks reporter, I saw the infamous locks of Jessica Simpson, dressed in gold, enter the auditorium. I peered to confirm that it was, indeed, the former "Newlyweds" reality star and asked myself, "why the heck is Jessica Simpson at a Discovery Upfront?

I kept my ears wide open for eavesdropping as American Choppers' Paul Teutul, Jr. and Paulie Teutul made Jessica get up so they could take their seats. They had to squeeze by her, I'm sure they hated it. Soon after, Jessica Simpson left the area to take a spot higher, more private, possibly more VIP.

Special little note: There aren't any pictures from this event. None were allowed during the presentations, and I left before the reception. So, enjoy the completely unrelated photos.

The event launched in an explosion of blue flashing lights, beautiful clip after beautiful clip, all set to the gooseflesh-inducing "Kings and Queens" by 30 Seconds To Mars. As the reel built to the final scene, the music grew in volume, which caused some guests around me to mutter grumpily. Me? I was just soaking it all in, my skin wrinkling and prickling with the music. In fact, whoever selected the music that complemented each new channel/programming pitch did a stellar job. I was one giant goosebump for two hours.

That's right, I said two hours. But when you're watching the ADD-laced-with-ecstasy versions of your favorite TV shows, time flies. In those two hours, Discovery trotted out their arsenal of ponies in this dog and pony show, including Oprah Winfrey, who announced the launch of her new network, OWN, and Shania Twain, whose show "Why Not?" has a home on OWN. And guess who else? Of course Gayle King has her OWN show, too.

Big surprise of the event for me was how adorable and personable Mike Tyson was. He entered to Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" and punctuated the drum sequence a la "The Hangover," which sent the audience into honking laughter. Who knew that Mike Tyson raised pigeons for sport? And who knew that there is a whole society of old-school gruff riff-raff on the roofs of Brooklyn doing the same? What a comeback this guy is having - and part of it is his Animal Planet series "Take on Tyson."

Kate Gosselin also made a robotic appearance, reading about how excited she was from the teleprompter, which I don't think convinced anyone. She did crack on herself about giving advice through her new show, "Twist of Kate" but not about dancing.

All I have to say is "The Skunk Whisperer." I chortled embarrassingly during the clip montage of Ned Bruha pulling baby skunks out of dryer exhaust pipes, yanking angry raccoons out of walls, and fielding calls from crazy woodland people with woodland critter problems.

Giggles were immediately quieted with the chills delivered by the Steven Speilberg-produced documentary covering the rebuilding of Ground Zero. Just when I think I'm an emotionless blob, my eyes leak out surprise tears -- like they did when the audience applauded longest and hardest for the group of people from the FDNY, Port Authority PD, NYPD, iron workers and the September 11th Families Association that stood for recognition. 9/11 emotion is always so raw and the people who volunteered, risked their lives, and lost their lives will never leave New Yorkers' hearts. I also sprung a leak when the dad on OWN's "Kidnapped By The Kids" cried when his kids told him he didn't spend enough time with them. Dads crying gets me every time.

Discovery threw in a bunch of wedding-dressed gals to announce the new season of TLC's "Say Yes To The Dress" in Atlanta -- AND threw in the first African-American astronaut as one of the three astronauts promoting Science. Astronauts, people! And guess what? It's really happening - Sarah Palin's Alaska. As her face flashed across the screen, audible boos danced through the audience. A guy behind me actually said "Boo. Hiss." Sheesh

The event ended in a way that all events should end: in 3D. Everyone donned the 3D glasses that we found in envelopes under our seats and we were catapulted through the reel promoting Discovery's 3D channel. It was awesome. Seriously, the possibility of seeing baby skunks in 3D is all I need to convince me to run out and grab a 3D TV. Think goodness I'm not a media planner or buyer, I would have blown the entire sweaty wad of cash on Discovery and its properties.

I didn't stick around for the reception because I'd previously committed to attend a media tasting event at Exchange Bar, but if I had stuck around I would have told Cash Cab's Ben Bailey, who was lurking by the men's room, that I was the girl that snorted during his COMIX show.

I wish I could go to a Discovery Upfront every day. It energized me. It made me want to put baby skunks into space.